Honorable Mention

One last pre-break post since it's not tomorrow yet... My 12-day 'treasuring up' will still very much include listening to Bill Giovannetti sermons (www.maxgrace.com) as I process internally. Bill pastors a large church in CA, and recently requested that readers of his blog submit Christmas-themed sermon ideas. Just discovered that the idea I submitted received honorable mention within the first 3 minutes of his Dec. 2nd sermon. I'm red-cheeked and smiling. :-)

Thanks for the mention, Bill! Abba has used your teaching of His Word to crack open stubborn walls in my life in 2007. By His Grace, I look forward to seeing them crumble further in 2008. I'm thankful for your commitment to His Truth, and hope that you and your family have a wonder-filled celebration of Jesus b-day, and all that His coming means for us... Merry Christmas!

Treasuring Up

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

-Luke 2:19-

This is one of my very favorite verses from the Christmas story - always has been. The focus throughout Luke to that point had been Jesus birth - as it should be. But I love that the author, a male, pauses for a sentence to consider a new mother's thoughts... she had gone through so much in this story and it seems such an appropriate glimpse. In particular, love the phrase, "treasured up"; I picture, not just fleeting thoughts, but real processing. Heart level stuff.

I have 12 days off of work starting tomorrow and, since earlier this month, I have planned to follow Mary's lead. I too long to 'treasure up' the birth of my Savior. And, as a new mom with a daughter across the world, I find I have some heart-level processing to do as well.

I have no questions about why I need to write, or the fact that I will continue; I will be back on January 2nd. And hope that you will join me again then! So no embarrassing gushy or flattery weirdness, k? If you feel like it, a simple 'Merry Christmas' will do.

And I too, simply, wish you all the most blessed of Christmases. May His Joy fall on you... and if you haven't met Him yet, I pray you are able to hear His gentle, welcoming voice above the noise of the season. Your night may be far from silent, but He's come to be where you are in the midst of it all. Be blessed and uplifted all friends; His coming is the reason for true HOPE... So let's 'TREASURE UP!' - in whatever ways rest and beautify your heart the most this season.

Looks Like Love

We love having Windsor and Wildfire as neighbors. Their pasture begins just behind our bedroom window, and we have the pleasure of enjoying them as they enjoy one another's companionship. Wildfire is younger and stronger than Windsor; he leads their way to the freshest parts of the pasture, never straying more than 20 feet or so from his dear friend. They nuzzle one another, help each other keep flies off during the summer. And they play... One of my favorite moments from last winter was during a heavy snowfall with large, wet flakes. As I played the piano, I looked out the window to see the two of them on their backs, covered in snow and kicking all fours into the air, wiggling like big puppies wanting a belly scratch.

The next house down, a baby pony runs circles around the older, wiser mares, jubilantly (and not entirely gracefully) kicking up his back heels, testing his height and speed.

Then, speaking of big puppies... can you believe these two? Ed and I stole a glance into the sunroom to find them cuddling the other day. Don't tell anyone though; they'd much prefer everyone to think they're constantly biting and torturing one another. Busted!

I'm always interested to hear the 'natural' explanation for animal behaviors; they say everything has it's purpose, and every purpose is somehow rooted in instinct and survival. But what is it that gets a horse on his back in a blizzard, hooves greeting snowflakes? What kind of instinct has a dog rest his chin sweetly on the shoulder of a reclining friend? Forget the natural explanations this time; I don't want to know. It's Christmas - and it looks like joy and love to me.

On the Road Again...

My soul grows an extra pair of legs this time of year; I start to long for the road. Not in a sad, escapist kind of way; just a road trip. Still - what's up with that? Everyone else is 'home for the holidays'; I'm ready to gas up and fly. Here are a few creative ways I've satisfied this urge through the years:



WTRL Trips:

WTRL = "Where the Road Leads". You give yourself 5 and 1/2 hours, $200, and get behind the wheel. Choose a direction: right or left. And that's the ONLY way you turn. And you only turn when you absolutely have to ('T' intersection or 'exit only'). You don't change lanes. The point is to find the exact destination to which the lane leading out of your driveway leads - in 5.5 hours. Then find the nearest hotel, crash there, and explore a new neighborhood for the first time. Or a familiar one in a new way. I have yet to find my WTRL location from our Hudson house and am itching to do so.

Ocean Emergency Trips:

I've had a number of these via airplane. But the most desperate was the day after Christmas, 1998: a flight straight down I35 all the way to Galveston, TX arriving at 3:30 in the morning Dec. 27th. The beach was the only thing open, and my sleeping bag molded sweetly to its shape. 3 days exploring Galveston, its history and shops, feeling the sun on my face, running ecstatically beside the waves... I was refueled and ready to drive home again.

Drive Down Memory Lane Trips:

This is a trip with someone you know and trust. I did one with my sister this past summer. We drove through the valley where we used to play as children, which is now a housing development; the church we grew up in, now under construction - I got in mud up to my knees, insistent on glimpsing the parking lot. Then, we settled some old scores at our childhood camp near St. Cloud, reminiscing about how stuff used to be - and what things will never change. Afterward, I found my thoughts returning to that day, wishing I could re-live it in every detail.

What about you - any creative road trip ideas to share? If I like yours, I might put it to use soon...

Elved

Did you know you can elf yourself?






Mark, my silly co-worker, should have his own blog. (He sometimes reads mine though - Hi, Mark!) Nevertheless, he refuses to start one - which, I have to admit, sometimes makes for better entertainment at work. Thanks to his unmet need to express silliness more publicly, my immediate colleagues and I have spent hours attempting to twirl our feet while drawing sixes in the air... and have now 'elved ourselves'. (For Mark's sake, I will add that, somewhat humorously, one can 'elf' oneself, yet is simultaneously rendered incapable of choosing the appropriate gender in which to do so).

Bet you never knew I could dance, huh?

Alignment

"The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear."

-Socrates-

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. What I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

-1 Corinthians 13:11 & 12-

Favorite Toys & Trends

As a continuation on yesterday's theme, here's the list of toys and trends I really 'got'; maybe you did too...



-Lite Brite
-Scratch 'n' Sniffs
-Legos
-Smurfs
-Caboodles







-Atari
-Hotwheels
-Viewmaster
-Koosh Balls
-Mr. Potato Head









-Pound Puppies
-Cat's Eye
-Etch-a-Sketch
-Spirograph
-Family Tree House









-Dukes of Hazzard
-Glo Worms
-Huffy Bikes
-Rubiks Cube
-Operation









-Pound Puppies
-Cabbage Patch Kids
-Karate Kid
-Matchbox Cars
-Knight Rider






What should we add to the list?

Toys & Trends I Never 'Got'

So, lately, I'm thinking about Eva being home next Christmas and the difference that will make in the number - and type - of gifts under our tree. That got me thinking about the toys and trend items that I might have gotten through the years... but just didn't 'get'. KnowwhatImean?


-Gumby
-Michael Jackson
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
-ALF
-Monchichis








-Santa Bears
-Boy George
-Weebles
-Garbage Pail Kids
-Max Headroom








-Teddy Ruxpin
-Inspector Gadget
-Garbage Pail Kids
-Hans & Franz
-Hello Kitty








-Easy Bake Ovens
-Mullets
-Trolls
-Madonna
-He-Man









-Punky Brewster
-Barney
-Q-Bert
-Rainbow Brite
-Pee Wee's Playhouse







Tomorrow's list? Toys I DID get - and loved. How about you? What toys did you hope Santa would keep to himself?

T vs. F: How You Decide

People joke lightheartedly about Introvert and Extravert traits; they lovingly heckle one another about Perceiving vs. Judging. But Thinker vs. Feeler? That's another story; we tend to get VERY serious about T vs. F.

What do T and F stand for? My MB 'Expanded Interpretive Report' says the T/F dynamic is our way of making decisions. If you're a T, "you [tend to] make decisions using logical, objective analysis." If you're an F, "You [tend to] make decisions to create harmony by applying person-centered values."

So what's the rub? The issue is what T vs. F is NOT, but we tend to make it into: smart vs. emotional; insensitive vs. cowardly; brain vs. heart. The reason it's so hard to discuss T vs. F is that both decision paths have highly valuable components; if your understanding of this dynamic is brain vs. heart, being 'pegged' as one or the other means you're either heartless or stupid. No one wants to be stuck in either camp.

On the other side of that, Ts who think Fs are stupid and emotional are in danger of being prideful of their own intelligence. Fs who think Ts are heartless and rigid are in great danger of looking down long, supposed 'diplomatic' noses at their T friends.

So... let's get past that right up front. Ts have hearts - often very kind and sensitive ones. Fs have brains - often brilliant and ingenious ones. Everyone's in the middle. Plus, it's your decision path; not your identity. We're humans; all of us were created with brains AND hearts.

That said, let's look at the differences. It's not a matter of existence but of priority: a T doesn't lack feelings, but puts emphasis on facts and logic. An F doesn't lack the ability to process facts, but puts emphasis on personal issues. Problems occur as each likes to claim their methods AND conclusions as TRUTH, not fully grasping that Truth goes beyond fact or feeling. It goes beyond my being factually 'right' intellectually or academically; beyond my 'feeling' right emotionally or spiritually.

Some of you have red flags up. Don't worry; I'm not a relativist. (Not even a post-modernist, really). I absolutely believe in absolute Truth. I just don't think Truth can or should be defined or doggedly claimed SOLELY by preferential decision-making, methods, or interpretive conclusions. We still see through a glass darkly. Do I believe we can 'know' some important things for sure? Absolutely - I'm no agnostic. Do I believe we can know all things completely? No - we don't YET fully know as we are fully known. I believe we know what we CAN know, and continue to learn - and that there's great value in doing so. I believe that humility is called for, from all sides.

Down from the soapbox I come. I try not to ascend them often - thanks for humoring me. For those who think it would be ideal to be right in dead center of the T and F spectrum... think again. That's me (with slight 'F' preference), and I'm able to wax over-sensitive WHILE offending people - simultaneously; great super-power yes? :-) J/K - there are great benefits too. One last word - a tool to help us think more positively of one another's strengths (adapted from Myers, 1962):

T SUPER POWERS:

-Analyzing the situation
-Finding flaws in advance
-Holding consistently to a principle
-Weighing "the law and the evidence"
-Standing firm against opposition

F SUPER POWERS:

-Empathizing with people
-Concern for how others will feel
-Allowing for extenuating circumstances
-Knowing what is really important
-Appreciating each person's contributions

Spontaneous Crackage

So today, I'm working quietly in my cubicle when, very suddenly, just behind me, there's this LOUD crash somewhere in the decibel range between a BIG balloon popping, and a gun going off.

Still recovering standard pulse rates, my fellow cube-dwellers and I rushed to the scene: the full-door emergency exit had completely cracked from floor to ceiling. Too bad I never learned how to use my cell phone camera; by the time someone else tried to figure it out, the whole thing had caved in.

No one had thrown anything; there was no glass on the carpet. In fact, the pane bowed outward. When the glass guy came to fix it, he's like, "Yeah, sometimes they do that." No big deal...

They do?? Yikes! Kind of makes you wonder what other 'no big deals' spontaneously, mysteriously, (and noisily!) self-destruct, for no apparent reason, in winter temps. Powerful forces we can't see and can't predict. Fascinating...

Too bad Dwight wasn't there to do a more thorough investigation... We're pretty sure no wildlife got in the building - but lots of cold air did. Moral of the story? Walk softly and carry a warm scarf, I guess.

Our Favorite Power Tool

I distinctly remember overhearing a conversation 6+ years ago where a number of guys from a core friend group were sitting around discussing their favorite power tools. At one point, someone (I think it was Brian) chimed in wittily with: "My favorite power tool? Wade Prestrud!"


Now, my husband, Edward, is THE most intelligent person I know, and he takes care of me better than the better best. Neither of us are highly mechanical though, and when it comes to vehicles well... let's just say we "need a little help from our friends." Most people do, right? That being said, we have a few favorite human power tools (future post on my dad to come) - and Wade is definitely on that list.

Today's help came in the form of getting me unstuck from a local gas station via jumper cables. (At 156,000+ miles, Ed's car battery was on its death bed and, though Ed had taken great care to juice it for me before lovingly taking my Tribute in for a check-up, the battery finally 'lost its spark'). Wade then went out, purchased a new battery and came to our home to install it. In like 5 minutes. Looking for grease in the garage took him 10. His response to our accolades? "That's what friends are for, right?"

Yes, Wade - but it's not every friend who'd give up their sleeping in on a day off to go beyond 'putting the fire out' and rebuild the house. You're a treasure - thanks again.

How 'bout y'all? Any good Wade stories? OR - when have you swelled with gratitude recently in receiving "a little help from your friends"?

Working From Home

The list of delights in working from home periodically is nearly endless: blue fuzzy robe, snowmobile slipper socks, safety from cubicle-lurkers, etc. One of the more prominent benefits, however, is easy access to the 7 large canisters of Christmas treats sitting on the kitchen counter. I have written a song in praise of this particular boon:

Ten Little Christmasy Treats

One little, two little, three chocolate 'tater chips,
Four little, five little, six Oreos chocolate-dipped,
Seven little, eight little, nine chocolate pretzel sticks,
Ten Christmas treats for Vonda.

One little, two little, three little bobbles there,
Four little, five little, six 'cuz I wouldn't share,
Seven little, eight little, nine dimples, I don't care;
Exercise plan starts Monday...

Seriously, 'Butt and Thigh Sculpting' Pilates video, here I come. (Sorry, TMI guys). I didn't say WHICH Monday though. Is 1/1/09 on a Monday? Which Christmas treats make YOU not care about bobbles?

Foot Notes

This is completely silly, and I apologize if it's already made the rounds as one of those annoying chain emails... but a friend forwarded this the other day and it provided some entertainment, so thought I'd share:



Who's smarter, you or your foot? Here's how you find out:

1. Rotate your right foot in a clockwise circle repeatedly until you are comfortable with it.
2. Now, with your foot still rotating, try to draw a '6' in the air with your right index finger, just in front of you.
3. If you're like me, you can't draw the '6' without your foot totally changing direction.

In fact, I could not even THINK about drawing the '6' without my foot stopping, or changing direction. Hmmm... Can you do it? If so, you've gotta be some kind of genius - do tell!

Forgive me, nothing profound tonight. Still drying off from my latest rendezvous with the hot-tub - my brain is mush. Tomorrow is the beginning of a fresh new week. Thanks, God, for fresh new weeks.

Time For a Dip

What would we do without dear friends to help us remember how to play? The highlight of my day yesterday was 20 minutes in the hot tub with my girls, who faithfully pulled me away from the list for some much-needed FUN!

Time For a Dip

Like chickadees, we
bouncing snow-toed to steam-bath
child-like, ditch our lists.

"Ignore my balloons
and I'm blind to your bobbles."
Together, hope grows.

Change of Path

Dear friends and loved ones,

This has been a great way for us to keep in touch on updates about our daughter and thoughts on adoption. However, going forward, we will no longer post new pictures or specific adoption updates here. Pictures and specifics have been removed from previous posts (which may end up being deleted all together). We'll send Christmas letters to many of you and will include ways to get in touch with us if you'd like to be on an ongoing email distribution. If you're not on the Christmas letter list, email us (if you don't know our email, most of you can find someone who does) to let us know you'd like to receive updates.

The key things we've wanted you all to know about adoption prep have been posted recently. If we get a bunch of enthusiastic bites on the email distribution, perhaps we will share more resources there.

I'll still use this blog. I love writing and there are lots of areas beyond adoption I'd still like to write about. I hope you'll still come out to check what's top of mind in other areas.

For those who desire to hurt and discourage us... We had heard of you, but didn't understand the scope or intensity of your goals against us until today. Again, we are sorry for the losses that would lead to the amount of anger it must take to fuel this type of passion and energy expenditure against people who simply want to love and care for children via legal routes. However, as a community, we too have a powerful Ally; one who contends on our behalf and whose motive is LOVE. We believe He is on the move here - and you would be wise never to underestimate the power of His true Love.

May you have success with your goals in advocating for mothers and children. In that, we support you. And we pray that the beauty and joy of this coming season will touch your hearts in powerful ways that might surprise even you. Merry Christmas.

Response to PPFFPP

In response to yesterday's post, I received a comment from a representative of PPFFPP - an organization seeking to protect and advocate for mothers and children devastated by the horrible injustices of child trafficking, illegal adoption. Here is my response to that comment:

PPFFPP - Thanks for sharing your perspective. As my husband has replied, we agree that it's good to be aware of organizations and viewpoints such as yours, and your valid objective to be an advocate for mothers and children who experience devastating loss via trafficking. I also agree with this quote from your 11/29 post in which you speak of compassion:

“It never ceases to sadden me when our anger gets let loose on one another - on our sisters and brothers who have suffered the same or similar loss as we have and instead of being able to get in touch with our compassion - we lash out with anger instead.”

That being said, I am sorry for deep losses you may have experienced either through adoption or trafficking which have led to your criticizing legal adoption – (a beautiful and effective way of making families) – even as you advocate justly for the rights of those who are hurt by illegal adoptions. You shared in your blog that you struggle with anger; I can only imagine the scope of the anger that wells up in the face of such losses, and encountering them day after day.

I wonder though… is being an advocate for victims of trafficking mutually exclusive to being supportive of families made by legal adoption? I don’t see how those two ‘sides’ of things have become enemies. As you know, many birthparents make the choice, either intentionally or by abandonment, for their children to be adopted into other loving homes. I wonder – does it make sense to you for those children to either (A) die or (B) stay in institutions where, even if they are well cared-for, they can never experience the love of parents? To me, this seems an extreme unmerited by your current path. I wonder if your objective to protect could be met in even more powerful ways by reaching out to partner with adoptive families who share your passion, rather than alienating them by (directly or indirectly) accusing those you don't know of being party to illegal trafficking.

As for your viewpoints on positive adoption language – though your comments seem more aimed simply to promote the previously-stated objective, they are also valid comments and I’d like to take them seriously. Frankly, in your support of birthmothers, I was surprised to hear you discouraging attempts to train others to speak positively of them.

As for the ‘birthmother’/’real mother’ and ‘adopted child’/’adoptive parents’ issue, you’re right; it does appear inconsistent at first glance. I think it’s mainly a matter of context. I don’t feel it inappropriate when writing about adoption in general to use terms like ‘adoptive parents’ or ‘adopted children’ where the process defining the general role is required for the sake of clarity. However, when speaking TO our daughter (who will be legally adopted – after 3 years of checks and re-checks and processing and approvals from multiple governments, we are certain of this), wouldn’t you agree that, since she is unable to know her birthmother, it is right and good for her to be able to call someone ‘Mother’ (not just ‘Adoptive Mother’), and be called by someone, ‘My daughter’? Either way, I pray for you today. For success in protecting what you rightfully protect. And for grace to soften to (and perhaps build bridges with) perspectives of those who also seek to protect in similar ways – and to love.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing..."

-1 Corinthians 13:1-3-

Positive Adoption Language

Vernell Klassen Miller has published a helpful devotional for parents who are adopting; I'll be sharing their wisdom (nearly verbatim) throughout this post tonight.

In general, I'm not a person who values 'PC'ness (yes, Erin, there's a 'C' there) ;-); buzz words and trendy phrases definitely made my peeves list and I am no fan of putting unnecessary obstacles in the way of people simply saying what they mean. That's why when others (and sometimes myself) don't use the suggested phrases below regarding adoption, we will all find there's plenty of grace, understanding and good-intent to cover it all. Still, when my daughter comes home, I want her to hear us talking about our family in ways that validate her, and affirm our bonds together as a family. This is for her sake as she learns what a family is; not to spare our feelings as parents (which is nice but WAY secondary). So... I put this out there, not as a 'be PC, or we'll be offended'; certainly not to stifle conversation about adoption... but to do my best to prepare the way. I'm the mom and that's my job (and my joy):

FIRST TRY: "Yes, they have one daughter, but she was adopted."
BETTER: "Yes, they have a daughter whom they adopted."
BEST: "Yes, they have a daughter."

FIRST TRY: "Do you know her real mother?"
BETTER: "Do you know her birthmother?"

FIRST TRY: "She is an adopted child."
BETTER: "She was adopted."
EXPLANATION: Adoption is a process. It describes an action - not a person - and should not be used as a label.

FIRST TRY: "Do they have any children of their own?"
BETTER: "Do they have any children by birth?"

FIRST TRY: "Are your children related?"
BETTER: "Are your children genetically related?"
BEST: Call attention to some similarity and say, "It's easy to see you come from the same family!"

FIRST TRY: "How good of you to adopt!"
BETTER: "You're a happy family." - Or say something general about the blessings of having children.
EXPLANATION: How would you respond to someone who said, "How good of you to conceive!" or "How generous of you to bear more children!" Adoption is just another way of making a family; it (as with birthing children) is its own reward.

FIRST TRY: "How could any woman relinquish [or 'give up'] a child?"
BETTER: "I'm sure it took a lot of thought for the birthmother to choose adoption for her child."
EXPLANATION: Even in cases where a child's birth story is unknown, it is unwise to ever speak negatively about a child's birth parents. We cannot judge situations we know nothing of, and it's important for a child to know there's beauty and worth in ALL of her roots and history - it is where she's come from. Adoptive parents are not saviors; simply parents.

FIRST TRY: "Now that you've adopted, you'll probably conceive."
BETTER: "Are you hoping for more children?"

For those of you who read through this stuff and chew on it, it means more than you know. Thanks for taking time to learn to love our daughter with us, in advance...

Part of the Problem

DISCLAIMER: Outright snottiness exaggerated for entertainment value.

1994

It was a cold, blustery day at Taylor U, (Indiana winters will blow right through you if you let them), and I was delighted to squeeze Tallulah (the '83 monster station wagon) into a spot between two other cars in the small, snow-encrusted, library parking lot. Imagine my dismay in returning to find a $40 parking citation posted to my windshield, convulsing in the knife-like gale. My crime? Parking outside the lines.

Now, in general, I'll confess I can be self-righteous. My dear, loving mother has admitted I was nearly impossible to discipline as I would NEVER take ownership for wrongdoing. No... my intentions were ever pure as the gale-driven snow; anyone with the insensitivity to point out some flaw was surely making a gross error or had ignorantly misinterpreted my flawless motives. In euphemism, they called me, 'conscientious'. Multiply this tendency by 10 when I was in college.

Bottom line: that TU patrol had no chance whatsoever. Forget warmth; I was on a mission. Stubbornly indignant, I marched back to my dorm and snatched a camera, defeating the entire purpose of having driven in the first place. Marched back to the lot where I documented the crushing injustice of this ruse! (In my defense, $40 was no small change to a broke college kid; for a living, I served potato chips in the dining hall).

The TU patrolman must have known what he was in for the second I crashed into his office white-lipped and twitching. But, apparently, this gave him no advantage in forming his argument. When faced with my picture of the 1 SQUARE INCH of visible yellow parking line, followed by my pristine, articulate explanation that cars had been packed in on either side of me, his only response (which he stuttered out verbatim at least 6 times) was, "Do you want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?" Immediately, I knew I had him. His argument was, sadly, (for him) weak - and I did not back down. This was injustice and I would NOT be served it.

Who won? Hm. Who shoveled the driveway last night? :-)

2007

I drive confidently into the parking lot of the business complex, towers of plowed snow piled at every corner. With each gap between vehicles, a new hope rises in my chest... My wish is simple: a space big enough to fit my SUV. As I'm forced further and further away from the building entrance, I keenly notice the cars which have parked a full 5 feet from the ones beside them. Perfectly spaced for lot-perusers to question whether they could just about nearly possibly squeeze in... but landing on the inevitable disappointing reality: "almost".

It's okay though. I feel no bitterness; I understand how it happened. They are part of the problem. We all are. And (with an ever so slight twinge of "SO THERE!" in remembering that stickler patrolman), I very happily join them.

Driveway, Submit!

This is the driveway. Now imagine it with 6 inches of virgin snow atop it. Pretty, right? HA! Not anymore... It's Ed's late night tonight - especially late since there's a blizzard (he's not home yet). And... the snow-blower's broken. So guess who conquered the driveway WITH A SHOVEL?? Yes, that's right - yours truly! In dress pants and fuzzy scarf. Nothing's making any husband of mine park on the street... The driveway: a conquered foe! I'm pumped with something (hopefully not testosterone) that makes me wish I could do a 'Tim the Tool Man' impression...

Proverbs 31 woman, you may have me beat in the kitchen, but you'd better look out when it comes to the driveway! ;-)

True

Ever read C.S. Lewis' 'Chronicles of Narnia'? Great family reading around Christmas time (or any time)...





"Welcome, child," he said.
"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."

"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

-C.S. Lewis, 'Prince Caspian'-

May it be so...

Silent Night?

Went to a concert tonight and we all sang (lit by surrounding Christmas lights, cut-out snowflakes, etc.) the old Christmas hymn, 'Silent Night'. The artist said it was her favorite Christmas song... and, I was with her on that. It's been mine too.

Then, on the way home, I took some time to really think through the lyrics (at least the first verse):

"Silent Night, Holy night; all is calm, all is bright.
Round yon' virgin, mother and Child,
Holy Infant, so tender and mild.
Sleep in Heavenly peace. Sleep in Heavenly peace."

I asked myself, "Self, why is this your favorite Christmas song?" And I got answers having to do with how it sounds like a lullaby, creates a peaceful mood, invites a sweet vision of the night of Jesus' birth... Then the committee went to work. It didn't really sound like Bruce and Umbridge's type of dialogue, so not sure who was spouting off up there, but here's how it went:

SELF 1: "Wait a second... SILENT night? What about the cows and sheep and maybe gross pigs, and all the rowdy folk in town for the census that night? What about the fact that labor (for most) is far from a silent process, and babies aren't born calm? What about chiming angels and fumbling shepherds?"

SELF 2: 'Hm - good points. But it was a HOLY birth; He sent a star - and witnesses. Maybe He also made everything really calm and peaceful so Baby Jesus was born in a sweet little nativity scene like what we commemorate... (And I REALLY like that picture, by the way)."

SELF 1: "Doubt it. Joseph was probably at his wits end with trying to find a decent place for him and Mary. Wouldn't doubt if he came close to letting that inn-keeper have it. Their donkey was probably hawing for water after the long trip, and granted, Mary had a virgin birth, but she was still human. No way she would have been calm after riding hundreds of miles on a DONKEY, having contractions, and not even being able to take a warm bath. No way."

SELF 2: "Well - Joseph and Mary were really sweet, humble and gentle people. Maybe they were just able to hold it together really well. Plus - stop it! You're wrecking the cozy image of Jesus' birthday."

SELF 1: "Maybe it's time to picture something new about His birth. Maybe it's time to embrace a new kind of beauty: the kind where Jesus comes down to a REAL earth with REAL pain and REAL people and REAL, authentic, imperfect circumstances. The kind where joy and grief exist, not separately side by side, but intermingled with one another; a tangle of light and dark, so you can't tell where one starts and the other ends. Maybe that was the point. God with US - not hovering above us in a fluffy net of safety and pampered ideals. Personally, I bet the manger smelled - and the cow in the corner? Bet he took a crap sometime during the night. And I bet at least one of those shepherds had halitosis, and another - poor social etiquette. My bet is that everyone was WAY too wound up to get any kind of shut-eye that night."

SELF 2: "Hm. I think I see where you're going with this. The picture is less sentimental and ideal that way. Less emotional on one level. But more powerful, more poignant. And, in fact, it doesn't lack emotion. Not at all. Still... we won't know for sure how it really happened until we meet Him. The Bible doesn't talk about crapping cows."

SELF 1: "Yeah, but the point goes beyond that. How about your life? Are you ready to proclaim the beauty in joy and grief intertwined - even if the meshing gets more intense? Are you ready to look for the mark of Christ amongst noise and discomfort; not just when 'the hay smells sweet'? I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but finding the beauty of Christ in present, imperfect REALITY might not always be as easy as it is now. It might help you to expand your picture of His coming to include His presence and Hand on the really tough stuff too. I mean - right in the process of going through them; not just looking back."

SELF 2: "I think you're right. And I know about birthdays that mesh joy and grief. Thanks for completely wrecking my favorite Christmas song."

SELF 1: "No problem. A small sacrifice in light of a greater knowing. Sleep in Heavenly peace (while you still can)."

SELF 2: "Hmph. :-) You too."

Snow Treasures

After a warm, couchy night of alternately watching a movie and new falling snow, Ed and I decided to venture out into the calming blizzard to walk the stir-crazy fuzzy ones. As we walked, we mentioned the difficulty of stepping in the tire-rutted (unplowed) snow, and one of us said, "It's like walking on the beach - just without the treasures (meaning shells)." The other responded: "Yeah, wish it was the beach. There's still treasures though - just not at our feet."

Truth is - I really don't wish I were on the beach tonight (shh - don't tell anyone!). ;-) There's something magic about the first accumulating snowfall; everything comes alive. Ask me in February, you'll hear a different story... but for now, it's all good. SO good. Thanks, God. I see your treasures.

Famous Relative

So I have a famous relative: Terry Fator; a cousin's husband's brother... but still. TeenV (Jr. High me) met him once in '86 or '87 as "cousin Sally's boyfriend". He was a cool, long-haired rock-star type. :-) At the very top of a famous person's pet-peeve list is (likely) distant relatives who crawl out of the woodwork to claim their relation to you. So - sorry, Terry - but I'm proud and supportive of the family-friendly entertainment you brought to 'America's Got Talent', and now are bringing to Vegas. Congratulations on persisting toward your dream till it came true!! And you can be sure that if you schedule a tour to (frigid) Minneapolis, we'll be there to support you.

I don't have a You Tube account yet, or I'd post the actual video. Here's a link though - check it out; he's really amazing!

It's SOOOO Cold That...

15. The dogs' leather leashes stiffen up outside.
14. Appropriate outdoor apparel = two winter coats + fuzzy robe.
13. I wait for my spouse to get the mail.
12. 24 packs in the garage are 'thinking outside the box'.
11. The tip of my nose has discovered its own identity.
10. I wear sweaters over my sweaters.
9. Dogs leave mini ice-rinks when they pee.
8. Shopping for a winter coat is like grocery shopping when hungry.
7. The outdoor dryer vent looks like the house is on fire.
6. Resentment and affection abound toward 'snowbird' relatives.
5. The house is a trail of sprawling blankets.
4. Sweater sleeves are stretched out from being pulled over hands.
3. People dress their cats up in fur-lined snow vests.
2. Weather reports are summed up in two words: wind. chill.
1. Jack Frost is biting at your butt.

How about it - what does COLD look like in your world? (CA/FL/AL readers, spare us your trauma of having to don long pants for a day or two). ;-)

List Etiquette: P vs. J

We've been through Introvert vs. Extravert. Now let's tackle Perceiving (P - favors openness and play) vs. Judging (J - favors closure and accomplishment). Nothing makes a project more interesting than having a P and a J as co-leads. I know because Ed (P) and I (J) are 'blessed' with this dynamic in our marriage. Checklists, we're finding, perfectly illustrate how P vs. J plays out in our home. We both keep lists... but not in the same way. We differ specifically in the areas of: (A) Creating, (B) Sorting and (C) Managing lists.

CREATING THE CHECKLIST:

Check out this actual 'To Do' list from 1994. We were packing for a trip to 'Cornerstone' music festival. Can you identify the P items - vs. the J items?

1. Pack
2. Transfer Money
3. Kiss
4. Relax
5. Mud Boots
6. Smile
7. Be positive and calm, or close your eyes

SORTING THE CHECKLIST:

ED: "Wait! That doesn't go there; the fun stuff's supposed to go at the top of the checklist so we're in a better mood to do our work."

VONDA: "No - that's absolutely not how it works. The work stuff goes BEFORE the fun stuff; then we can actually enjoy doing the fun stuff later without thinking about the work stuff still on the list."

ED: "I'm going to steal your list and put fun stuff at the top of it."

VONDA: "Fine. I'm going to steal your XBox and put a stack of work on top of IT!"

MANAGING THE CHECKLIST:

VONDA: Places a neat, pristine checkmark next to a checklist item.

ED: "What are you doing? Why not just cross the whole thing off?"

VONDA: "Because the whole point is to mark the item as completed while maintaining easy-viewing capability for maximum satisfaction. What's the point if you can't still see what you've already accomplished??"

ED: "No - the point is to cross it off and NOT think about it anymore. I'm going to steal the list and cross stuff off it."

VONDA: "Step AWAY from the list and no one gets hurt."

ED: "Step away from the list?!? Thank God; where's my XBox?"

Can I get an 'amen', anyone?

Adoption: A Positive Perspective for Kids

We all know kids are naturally curious - especially when it comes to ideas or situations that differ from their immediate experience. Answering kids' questions about adoption can be a combination of prep work and 'adding lib'. For those interested in prepping a little, here's a resource from 'Adoptive Families' magazine designed to give kids a head-start in relating to friends who've been adopted. (They encourage distribution). Questions are from a child's perspective:

Q: Emily told me she was adopted. What is adoption?
A: Adoption is when a family can't take care of a child. They find a family who will take care of her forever and ever. Emily's parents love her as much as we love you.

Q: Why did Emily's parents adopt her?
A: Because they wanted to have a family, and adopting a child is one way to do it. They will be together forever.

Q: What did Emily do that her real parent(s) didn't keep her?
A: I think you are talking about Emily's birthparent(s). Adoption is never a child's fault. It is a decision made by grown-ups when they don't feel able or ready to be parents.

Q: Will Emily ever meet her real mother?
A: Do you mean her birthmother? That's a hard question to answer because I don't know. Sometimes adopted children meet their birthparents and sometimes they don't.

Q: Why doesn't Billy look like his mom?
A: Billy's family is an adoptive family. He was born in Guatemala to a family who looks like him, but who couldn't take care of a baby when he was born.

Q: What happened to Billy's real mother?
A: Do you mean the woman who gave birth to him? She is his birthmother. Sometimes a person can have a baby without being ready to parent.

Q: Why isn't he with her?
A: She may have been too young to raise a child, or needed to work and didn't have anyone to take care of him. So she made a way for another family to care for him. Billy's mommy and daddy will be his parents forever.

Q: Do you think Billy's real mother misses him?
A: I think his birthmother probably does.

Q: Am I going to be adopted?
A: No, because Daddy and I were ready to be parents when we had you. We will be your parents forever.

Many of you might have already had conversations with your own or others' children about Eva's coming adoption - or other friends from adoptive families. What's the most interesting or amusing question you've encountered? How did you answer?

Spot Shot Miracle

Let it be known: Spot Shot Carpet Stain Remover successfully removes Cyan (blue) printer ink from carpet. Not water. Not soap. Not nail-polish remover. Spot Shot; LOVE it! The culprit? (There's always at least one furry culprit at our house). Ha! Wrong!

Guffman: caught blue-pawed. (But still mysteriously pink-tongued).

What's your favorite 'secret weapon' for stains? And how do you get Cyan printer ink off your fingers?

Three

My precious Eva,

Today, you turn 3. You have been on this earth 3 full years - you enter now into your fourth year.

At this moment, I hold you in my heart - yet, we are thousands of miles apart. If I could somehow reach through space to hold you, play with you, comfort and celebrate you... Love, I would. I would.

Instead, I reach through time with pen and ink, trusting these words will find you when you are old enough to understand them.

I remember my third birthday - quite vividly. I remember the cake in the shape of a white cat. Its red licorice whiskers, my father teasing my mother that its paws did not look like paws. I remember crawling into the lap of my older cousin for a shared picture since our birthdays were close. I remember saying 'goodbye' to guests before they intended to leave, because I wanted them to go. :-)

What will you remember, Love? I wonder... This, possibly the first birthday you will remember. We have sent gifts... but will you understand? Are these your first gifts? Your Father in Heaven and angels celebrated when you were born. And they celebrate with us now. But what will you remember of this day?

I will tell you what I know, but you cannot yet remember. You have a mommy and daddy who love you and pray for you and long to hold you and raise you. You have many friends and extended family who will meet to celebrate you this coming week. You will have gifts piled on top of gifts - we will put them in your room. Only later will you see. You have a bedroom, and we will begin to prepare it this weekend. It's right next to ours, and yellow, fuzzy angels will lovingly guard your door.

This, your fourth year, will be a year of incredible change for you. There will be some changes you may love. Others might make you sad. But, all in all, it will be good because we will meet this year and begin a forever family. For better or worse, this year is the start of forever relationships with those who love and cherish you - and celebrate you. We will navigate together all the bumps and curves to come. Jesus will hold us. And He will make it sweet...

Be blessed today, sweet Eva. Grow big and strong - but not too big yet, k? I have prayed for someone to hold you, sing to you, celebrate you today - to help you understand the magnitude of how precious you are. Happy birthday - we are so thankful you've been born!

The Family Walk

Some families watch ball games on holidays, some play games, make crafts, take naps. Well, we sometimes play games and take naps too... but the 'Family Walk' is a tradition for sure. Whoever is first to suggest it (my brother this year) is sure to get lots of takers. The walk typically goes longer than planned, and sometimes (like this year) takes us 'off-roading' and trail-blazing. This year was extra special since it was the first where my little niece, Ana, accompanied us. Growing up in this family, I'm sure she too will learn to love 'The Walk'. :-)











Oh - and the 'grown ups' got a little silly once Ana abandoned the wagon (above). Fun to remember playing with my siblings... AND I even got a free ride home! (Thanks, Jer). :-)

He Nose How to Use It

Pooping or washing, he cuts us no slack.
Our bathroom door never stays open 'a crack'.

Joy Fall

Turkey and taters
and family in the house;
His gifts overflow.

Taking a blog break
tomorrow, for Thanksgiving.
May Joy fall on you.

Those no longer here,
we miss but will see again.
They praise face to face.

So be blessed, all friends;
there is much to celebrate!
Talk to you Friday.

Thankful

In honor of 'Turkey Day', I'm going to be a vulture and link to someone else's post. Stacy did a perfect job of summarizing this past Saturday for me: 'Friends Thanksgiving' - pictures and all. (I get to be Monica). ;-)

Thank you, Lord, for precious friends to do life with. You give the greatest gifts. You ARE the greatest gift.

What I Like About 'E'ou

Let's continue the dialogue about MB Types started last week. I'm not an extravert, but I have close friends who are. Again, this list doesn't INclude all EXtraverts or EXclude all INtroverts - but here are some things I like (and am, actually, in awe of) about the 'E's I'm thinking of:

They...
20. Sprout horns (in a good way) past 10:30 PM.
19. Can 'do life' with one another via phone.
18. Exude joy in mixing and matching friendships (like wine connoisseurs).
17. Tend to be thoughtful champions of b-days and celebration.
16. Have a direct mind-mouth hook-up conducive to humor and killer wit.
15. Still remember how to play.
14. Can be energized by maintaining a conversation.
13. Sometimes analyze less and can have thicker skin.
12. Have a gift for 'getting the word out'.
11. Look forward to supporting one anothers' sales parties.
10. Can have fun at the State Fair - and Christmas shopping.
9. Can be effective multi-taskers.
8. Are naturals at creating and SUSTAINING community.
7. Tend to be good gift-givers.
6. Can maintain long-distance relationships well.
5. More easily remember what they (and others) like to DO (activities).
4. Verbalize easily; a trait often perceived as honesty.
3. Come home from parties with energy left to do something (besides nap).
2. Have mastered the art of processing and talking simultaneously.
1. What you see is, often, what you get (in the best of ways).

Extraverts: are there any not-so-fun parts of being an extravert? The rest of us are dying to know! Introverts: what do YOU appreciate about your 'E' buddies?

He Still Brings Me Flowers

I was in a meeting at church the other day when my dear husband's face appeared at the door - his finger, motioning me into the hallway. He had brought me flowers. He still does this periodically - and it always reminds me of the first time, documented here in this poem from 16 years ago (non-poetry lovers, give this one a shot):

The Last Petal

One late night, I sat awake in the wistfulness of youth,
seeking out the falsities in what we call the truth.

My eyes, aflame, beheld a vase of daisies white and gold,
given by a heart so tender to my heart both warm and cold.

As I sat, I stopped to ponder softly-spoken, flowery words;
doubting truth in all the pretty echoes I had heard.

So, I reached to pluck a daisy from the lovely, flowered vase,
seeking truth in daisy petals; not the sparkle on his face.

"He loves me and he loves me not," I plucked the petals one by one;
anxiously, the petals fell until my childish game was done.

And when, at last, the final petal floated amidst my wilted thoughts,
I realized that my game had ended with the words, "He loves me not."

So, I laughed inside myself, "Oh - what a silly game to play!"
A petal could not reveal the truths his tongue had yet to say.

But then, as if this silly game could prove the matter settled,
I carefully threw away the daisy's last, conflicting petal.

S-C-A-M

One thing I forgot to put at the top of my peeves list: duct cleaners that give you a coupon for $77, but want to charge $450 to do your whole house. Why does it work for people to run businesses like this? Why would I want 1/6 of my ducts cleaned? Why would I want to pay the price of airfare to someplace warm and sunny, just to have someone blow air through my vents?

Two questions:
(1) Have you found a duct cleaning company that you like and trust? Please share.
(2) What's the most annoying scam you've encountered?

Fairyland

On this day, two years ago, my mother's family gathered to celebrate my grandma's life, and our affection for her. Part of our remembering had to do with 'place'; the magic that existed at Grandma's house and the surrounding forests and fields - which was strong while she was here with us - but diminished in her absence.

One of the magic places was Fairyland: a grove of old-growth pines which had been there for so long, once you entered them, there was no other surrounding landscape. Their foliage, hundreds of feet above us, created a canopy where sun streamed down, visible in beams to the forest floor. Just enough lighting to have produced an amazing bog of sproingy moss 3 feet deep in places - like a lush green mattress spreading out in all directions for mile after endless mile.

I had the pleasure of introducing some dear friends to this place through the years, knowing that one day the magic would diminish; their presence as a witness - to help me remember. Standing amongst the pines was, (similar to staying at Grandmas), like being surrounded by a tribe of old, wise women singing, laughing and whispering to me. I felt cradled, nurtured... It's a little silly, but I felt as if I had been born there and it was right to visit periodically, to honor the place. I had asked my friends to free my ashes there if I ever went before they did.

Last time I went to Grandmas (Memorial Day this past Spring), Ed and I visited Fairyland together. It was one of those mornings that held so much beauty, you'd expect a bluebird to come land on your shoulder. Sun, blooming Spring, Lilacs and Balm of Gilead, and every fresh life scent - the sun warm on our faces. We walked down the long gravel road, frolicked through the field with the dogs, and then entered the short, (30 feet or so) intensely muddy, path through underbrush that led to Fairyland. I was so focused on finding the best route through the mud, I didn't notice till I had cleared the underbrush:

Gone. All of it. It was one of those moments where you take in breath, but it doesn't seem to accomplish anything. Time stopped. Something supposedly permanent was, permanently, gone. I grieved. Hard. And then asked Jesus to fix it when He comes back. I'm sure He will. But these trees were at least 100 years old; they will never grow back while I'm alive.

I share this moment with you because we all experience losses like this. We busily make our route through the muddy, familiar day-to-day, and look up, to find that what seems permanent to us is gone. Loss of parents, children, divorce, accidents that claim our health. We gasp and feel the weight of vast emptiness where something vast in beauty used to stand. With this post, I have said a prayer for each reader, that you will find His comfort and sustenance in the 'place' of your loss. I will pray with you that Jesus will fix it when He comes back. And... I stand with you, as a witness, that He will.

Ten

So I never really talk about work on my blog - which is a little odd since I'm there almost every day. But with all the emphasis on privacy and confidentiality and ownership and rights and representation and, and, (you know what I mean) these days... Don't want to cross any lines, don't want to accidentally misrepresent, don't want anyone to confuse my message with theirs or vice versa or get reprimanded or fired or sued or less of an annual bonus than I would like. Okay you get it...

But, today, I'm making an exception. I received my ten year PIN. Yes, pin. As in, "I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen!" Only, P-I-N.

I'm aware that I could double this post's kicks and giggles factor if I were to sarcastically elaborate on all the faults, quirks and shortcomings of my job. But, the fact is, I'm very happy with where I am and what I do. (I'd attempt to explain what that is - but I've had about 0.3 people comprehend previous descriptions, and most of them start nodding blankly within the first 10 seconds. To sum up: I'm a compliance person). And in this time of sliding markets and slacking work queues, I have to be honest with you: I'm SO thankful for an occupation that doesn't just 'occupy' but actually uses many of my gifts while keeping me interested, engaged, and consistently challenged. A LOT of people don't have that.

In the early years, my attention span for one role would last about 6 months; then I would wait another 6 to apply for a different position. After 7 positions, 5 managers, 7 computers and 6 cubicles, (only 3 phone numbers!), my answer to, "So how do you like what you do?" has gone from, "Well... I won't be doing this forever," to, "I really like it - it's a great fit for me, and I'm thankful to have found this niche."

Did I get 'sucked in'? Hmm - Umbridge still tries to convince me of that sometimes. But I disagree with her. There's good purpose in my being here; it continues to uncover itself each day. I have solid, trusting relationships and a 'voice' to impact my environment. They've treated me well and allowed me substantial flexibility and independence, accompanied by a decent wage. Plus, I get to wear jeans every day. And - I don't have to be an extravert very often. Most importantly, they understand that my personal life does, and will continue to, come first.

Sometimes the road leads where we don't expect. And the places we discover are grander than we would imagine. Thanks for keeping me aboard through all the 'stages', company - and for investing in me along the way. It's been a good 10 years.