Do you remember, as a kid, asking your parents, "Is it gonna be alright?" I do... in fact, I've been known to ask my husband that periodically during our 12 years of marriage. There's something about it - just hearing someone you love and respect say that it's going to be alright. It's calming, reassuring...Today was 'day 2' of Ed back at work - 12 hour days for Eva and me to navigate. We're off to a wonderful start, her attachment to both of us building and evening out. And when 'Papa' comes home, there is quite the celebration. Hooting and hollering and a mad dash for the door; my cautious arms extended to keep her from rushing into the garage before the car engine halts. I love the security she's finding in her daddy; she calls him "Papa Enday": 'my daddy', in Malayalam. His presence is the answer to the question she can't yet ask us verbally: "Is it gonna be alright?"
The anticipation and joy with which she runs to him at the end of the day has me thinking about where I run. There are so many options, you know? Movies and Perch Lake are a couple of favorites for me. Sometimes close girlfriends, sometimes my husband. And there's nothing wrong with enjoying any of these... even, I think, in finding some comfort in them. But what's my bottom line - my true Refuge? Movies are shallow satisfaction; Perch Lake could someday close, or (worse) banish flotation devices. Human relationships, even the closest ones, are guaranteed an earthly end.
It sounds trite - and if you're a Christ-follower, you've heard it a million times. But it's starting to sink in in a new way for me that God - and His Word - are truly my Refuge. That when it comes my turn to answer the question, "Yes, my baby girl, everything will be okay..." I will say that, not because I have power to cure all her hurts and questions, or control over the circumstances of her life... but because I know that my 'Papa Enday' is good. That, in Christ, her heart can be safe for always and forever, no matter what.
And, for me, being able to say that - and knowing to Whom I run - feels like what it feels like to be a mom.
