Some tough love for yet another 'cute and busy' member of the Rankin household..Dear Duncan (aka "Bunkie"):
It's been over a year now since we adopted you, and I think it's time to address some of the apparent misconceptions which have somehow perpetuated themselves to become long-term ruts in your small (yet surprisingly sly) little doggie brain. Let's have some clarity, shall we?
First off, you're not fooling anyone with the whole 'disappearing-stick-of-butter' trick. When I come home from work and the table cloth is mangled, drooping off the side, and the butter plate's spotless, I'm pretty much able to piece together the scene. Have some restraint, buddy, k? Inhaling whole sticks of butter multiple times a week can be bad for doggie cholesterol levels... And you got a little somethin' on your whisker there...
Next: headless, maggot-infested ground squirrels are gross. GROSS. It isn't cute or funny when you clamp one in your mouth and high-tail it across the yard with it. What - am I going to chase you down so I can chew on it instead? Yeah - that's exactly what I'm thinking, "Hey - no fair! Duncan gets to play with the maggoty squirrel and I don't!" It doesn't exactly result in minty fresh breath either, if you know what I mean; dude - let's lay off the roadkill.
Nix on the removing Guffman's collar with your teeth. It's bad for your relationship, bad for your canine teeth and, most importantly... it DOES NOT make you 'da man'. Dominance is an attitude, man - chill. And stop biting your brother.
Last but, by all means, NOT least... let's have ourselves a little lesson: it's called - "chew toy vs. shoe". They are not the same thing; I don't care how good they smell. And not just shoes either... rugs, door mats, towels, socks, underwear, books, wood scraps... Are you beaver or canine? Do we need a doggie shrink?? Bunkie, babe - compulsively REMOVING the stuffing from your doggie bed will not result in the feelings of well-being you so desire. Let's stuff the stuffing fixation, shall we?
One last thing? Try not to get any cuter, k? You're about the sweetest thing since sliced Guava Duff and your mama can't resist your chocolate puppy eyes. Whooszagoo'boy... oohdamamaluvsyou...
7 comments:
Were those your shoes or hubbys? I am sorry to laugh but our dog loves shoes too!
No wonder he doesn't get into trouble...look at those eyes.
Good Dog Duncan!
Vonda, your writing is always exceptional, but this needs to be published. Congratulations on Eva. We will hope to see her this summer. Love, Spurge and Grampy
Carrie - I'm sorry to say that Duncan has 'played' with multiple pairs of both our shoes (though it's more frequent that I forget and leave my shoes in the hallway). His tally's going on about $300... :-) He also ate my mother-in-law's flip flops, chewed one of my best friends' pairs of crocs, and a teen's shiny dress shoes. He's started to get a little better just lately... but you're right - it's a good thing he's so cute...
Spurge - it's great to hear from you, a fellow writer! Great way to keep in touch, yes? Thanks for your encouragement... We miss you guys and definitely hope to see you next Summer if not sooner!
well, not that any of Duncan's behavior falls into the 'laudable' category, but those shoes? C'mon, he did the right thing, there.
Swampy
My darling boyfriend, Pedro (aka my dog), owes me nearly $1000 in ruined shoes and purses.
Oh, the shoes!
Oh, THE PURSES!
Oh--my--goodness! You had me bustin' a gut with this one, Vondie. Serious side ache.
p.s. "Bunky" was my nickname when I was a little tot. No idea where it came from
I think this is all just good parenting prep. But it will be x3 now.
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