Famous Relative

So I have a famous relative: Terry Fator; a cousin's husband's brother... but still. TeenV (Jr. High me) met him once in '86 or '87 as "cousin Sally's boyfriend". He was a cool, long-haired rock-star type. :-) At the very top of a famous person's pet-peeve list is (likely) distant relatives who crawl out of the woodwork to claim their relation to you. So - sorry, Terry - but I'm proud and supportive of the family-friendly entertainment you brought to 'America's Got Talent', and now are bringing to Vegas. Congratulations on persisting toward your dream till it came true!! And you can be sure that if you schedule a tour to (frigid) Minneapolis, we'll be there to support you.

I don't have a You Tube account yet, or I'd post the actual video. Here's a link though - check it out; he's really amazing!

It's SOOOO Cold That...

15. The dogs' leather leashes stiffen up outside.
14. Appropriate outdoor apparel = two winter coats + fuzzy robe.
13. I wait for my spouse to get the mail.
12. 24 packs in the garage are 'thinking outside the box'.
11. The tip of my nose has discovered its own identity.
10. I wear sweaters over my sweaters.
9. Dogs leave mini ice-rinks when they pee.
8. Shopping for a winter coat is like grocery shopping when hungry.
7. The outdoor dryer vent looks like the house is on fire.
6. Resentment and affection abound toward 'snowbird' relatives.
5. The house is a trail of sprawling blankets.
4. Sweater sleeves are stretched out from being pulled over hands.
3. People dress their cats up in fur-lined snow vests.
2. Weather reports are summed up in two words: wind. chill.
1. Jack Frost is biting at your butt.

How about it - what does COLD look like in your world? (CA/FL/AL readers, spare us your trauma of having to don long pants for a day or two). ;-)

List Etiquette: P vs. J

We've been through Introvert vs. Extravert. Now let's tackle Perceiving (P - favors openness and play) vs. Judging (J - favors closure and accomplishment). Nothing makes a project more interesting than having a P and a J as co-leads. I know because Ed (P) and I (J) are 'blessed' with this dynamic in our marriage. Checklists, we're finding, perfectly illustrate how P vs. J plays out in our home. We both keep lists... but not in the same way. We differ specifically in the areas of: (A) Creating, (B) Sorting and (C) Managing lists.

CREATING THE CHECKLIST:

Check out this actual 'To Do' list from 1994. We were packing for a trip to 'Cornerstone' music festival. Can you identify the P items - vs. the J items?

1. Pack
2. Transfer Money
3. Kiss
4. Relax
5. Mud Boots
6. Smile
7. Be positive and calm, or close your eyes

SORTING THE CHECKLIST:

ED: "Wait! That doesn't go there; the fun stuff's supposed to go at the top of the checklist so we're in a better mood to do our work."

VONDA: "No - that's absolutely not how it works. The work stuff goes BEFORE the fun stuff; then we can actually enjoy doing the fun stuff later without thinking about the work stuff still on the list."

ED: "I'm going to steal your list and put fun stuff at the top of it."

VONDA: "Fine. I'm going to steal your XBox and put a stack of work on top of IT!"

MANAGING THE CHECKLIST:

VONDA: Places a neat, pristine checkmark next to a checklist item.

ED: "What are you doing? Why not just cross the whole thing off?"

VONDA: "Because the whole point is to mark the item as completed while maintaining easy-viewing capability for maximum satisfaction. What's the point if you can't still see what you've already accomplished??"

ED: "No - the point is to cross it off and NOT think about it anymore. I'm going to steal the list and cross stuff off it."

VONDA: "Step AWAY from the list and no one gets hurt."

ED: "Step away from the list?!? Thank God; where's my XBox?"

Can I get an 'amen', anyone?

Adoption: A Positive Perspective for Kids

We all know kids are naturally curious - especially when it comes to ideas or situations that differ from their immediate experience. Answering kids' questions about adoption can be a combination of prep work and 'adding lib'. For those interested in prepping a little, here's a resource from 'Adoptive Families' magazine designed to give kids a head-start in relating to friends who've been adopted. (They encourage distribution). Questions are from a child's perspective:

Q: Emily told me she was adopted. What is adoption?
A: Adoption is when a family can't take care of a child. They find a family who will take care of her forever and ever. Emily's parents love her as much as we love you.

Q: Why did Emily's parents adopt her?
A: Because they wanted to have a family, and adopting a child is one way to do it. They will be together forever.

Q: What did Emily do that her real parent(s) didn't keep her?
A: I think you are talking about Emily's birthparent(s). Adoption is never a child's fault. It is a decision made by grown-ups when they don't feel able or ready to be parents.

Q: Will Emily ever meet her real mother?
A: Do you mean her birthmother? That's a hard question to answer because I don't know. Sometimes adopted children meet their birthparents and sometimes they don't.

Q: Why doesn't Billy look like his mom?
A: Billy's family is an adoptive family. He was born in Guatemala to a family who looks like him, but who couldn't take care of a baby when he was born.

Q: What happened to Billy's real mother?
A: Do you mean the woman who gave birth to him? She is his birthmother. Sometimes a person can have a baby without being ready to parent.

Q: Why isn't he with her?
A: She may have been too young to raise a child, or needed to work and didn't have anyone to take care of him. So she made a way for another family to care for him. Billy's mommy and daddy will be his parents forever.

Q: Do you think Billy's real mother misses him?
A: I think his birthmother probably does.

Q: Am I going to be adopted?
A: No, because Daddy and I were ready to be parents when we had you. We will be your parents forever.

Many of you might have already had conversations with your own or others' children about Eva's coming adoption - or other friends from adoptive families. What's the most interesting or amusing question you've encountered? How did you answer?

Spot Shot Miracle

Let it be known: Spot Shot Carpet Stain Remover successfully removes Cyan (blue) printer ink from carpet. Not water. Not soap. Not nail-polish remover. Spot Shot; LOVE it! The culprit? (There's always at least one furry culprit at our house). Ha! Wrong!

Guffman: caught blue-pawed. (But still mysteriously pink-tongued).

What's your favorite 'secret weapon' for stains? And how do you get Cyan printer ink off your fingers?

Three

My precious Eva,

Today, you turn 3. You have been on this earth 3 full years - you enter now into your fourth year.

At this moment, I hold you in my heart - yet, we are thousands of miles apart. If I could somehow reach through space to hold you, play with you, comfort and celebrate you... Love, I would. I would.

Instead, I reach through time with pen and ink, trusting these words will find you when you are old enough to understand them.

I remember my third birthday - quite vividly. I remember the cake in the shape of a white cat. Its red licorice whiskers, my father teasing my mother that its paws did not look like paws. I remember crawling into the lap of my older cousin for a shared picture since our birthdays were close. I remember saying 'goodbye' to guests before they intended to leave, because I wanted them to go. :-)

What will you remember, Love? I wonder... This, possibly the first birthday you will remember. We have sent gifts... but will you understand? Are these your first gifts? Your Father in Heaven and angels celebrated when you were born. And they celebrate with us now. But what will you remember of this day?

I will tell you what I know, but you cannot yet remember. You have a mommy and daddy who love you and pray for you and long to hold you and raise you. You have many friends and extended family who will meet to celebrate you this coming week. You will have gifts piled on top of gifts - we will put them in your room. Only later will you see. You have a bedroom, and we will begin to prepare it this weekend. It's right next to ours, and yellow, fuzzy angels will lovingly guard your door.

This, your fourth year, will be a year of incredible change for you. There will be some changes you may love. Others might make you sad. But, all in all, it will be good because we will meet this year and begin a forever family. For better or worse, this year is the start of forever relationships with those who love and cherish you - and celebrate you. We will navigate together all the bumps and curves to come. Jesus will hold us. And He will make it sweet...

Be blessed today, sweet Eva. Grow big and strong - but not too big yet, k? I have prayed for someone to hold you, sing to you, celebrate you today - to help you understand the magnitude of how precious you are. Happy birthday - we are so thankful you've been born!

The Family Walk

Some families watch ball games on holidays, some play games, make crafts, take naps. Well, we sometimes play games and take naps too... but the 'Family Walk' is a tradition for sure. Whoever is first to suggest it (my brother this year) is sure to get lots of takers. The walk typically goes longer than planned, and sometimes (like this year) takes us 'off-roading' and trail-blazing. This year was extra special since it was the first where my little niece, Ana, accompanied us. Growing up in this family, I'm sure she too will learn to love 'The Walk'. :-)











Oh - and the 'grown ups' got a little silly once Ana abandoned the wagon (above). Fun to remember playing with my siblings... AND I even got a free ride home! (Thanks, Jer). :-)

He Nose How to Use It

Pooping or washing, he cuts us no slack.
Our bathroom door never stays open 'a crack'.

Joy Fall

Turkey and taters
and family in the house;
His gifts overflow.

Taking a blog break
tomorrow, for Thanksgiving.
May Joy fall on you.

Those no longer here,
we miss but will see again.
They praise face to face.

So be blessed, all friends;
there is much to celebrate!
Talk to you Friday.

Thankful

In honor of 'Turkey Day', I'm going to be a vulture and link to someone else's post. Stacy did a perfect job of summarizing this past Saturday for me: 'Friends Thanksgiving' - pictures and all. (I get to be Monica). ;-)

Thank you, Lord, for precious friends to do life with. You give the greatest gifts. You ARE the greatest gift.

What I Like About 'E'ou

Let's continue the dialogue about MB Types started last week. I'm not an extravert, but I have close friends who are. Again, this list doesn't INclude all EXtraverts or EXclude all INtroverts - but here are some things I like (and am, actually, in awe of) about the 'E's I'm thinking of:

They...
20. Sprout horns (in a good way) past 10:30 PM.
19. Can 'do life' with one another via phone.
18. Exude joy in mixing and matching friendships (like wine connoisseurs).
17. Tend to be thoughtful champions of b-days and celebration.
16. Have a direct mind-mouth hook-up conducive to humor and killer wit.
15. Still remember how to play.
14. Can be energized by maintaining a conversation.
13. Sometimes analyze less and can have thicker skin.
12. Have a gift for 'getting the word out'.
11. Look forward to supporting one anothers' sales parties.
10. Can have fun at the State Fair - and Christmas shopping.
9. Can be effective multi-taskers.
8. Are naturals at creating and SUSTAINING community.
7. Tend to be good gift-givers.
6. Can maintain long-distance relationships well.
5. More easily remember what they (and others) like to DO (activities).
4. Verbalize easily; a trait often perceived as honesty.
3. Come home from parties with energy left to do something (besides nap).
2. Have mastered the art of processing and talking simultaneously.
1. What you see is, often, what you get (in the best of ways).

Extraverts: are there any not-so-fun parts of being an extravert? The rest of us are dying to know! Introverts: what do YOU appreciate about your 'E' buddies?

He Still Brings Me Flowers

I was in a meeting at church the other day when my dear husband's face appeared at the door - his finger, motioning me into the hallway. He had brought me flowers. He still does this periodically - and it always reminds me of the first time, documented here in this poem from 16 years ago (non-poetry lovers, give this one a shot):

The Last Petal

One late night, I sat awake in the wistfulness of youth,
seeking out the falsities in what we call the truth.

My eyes, aflame, beheld a vase of daisies white and gold,
given by a heart so tender to my heart both warm and cold.

As I sat, I stopped to ponder softly-spoken, flowery words;
doubting truth in all the pretty echoes I had heard.

So, I reached to pluck a daisy from the lovely, flowered vase,
seeking truth in daisy petals; not the sparkle on his face.

"He loves me and he loves me not," I plucked the petals one by one;
anxiously, the petals fell until my childish game was done.

And when, at last, the final petal floated amidst my wilted thoughts,
I realized that my game had ended with the words, "He loves me not."

So, I laughed inside myself, "Oh - what a silly game to play!"
A petal could not reveal the truths his tongue had yet to say.

But then, as if this silly game could prove the matter settled,
I carefully threw away the daisy's last, conflicting petal.

S-C-A-M

One thing I forgot to put at the top of my peeves list: duct cleaners that give you a coupon for $77, but want to charge $450 to do your whole house. Why does it work for people to run businesses like this? Why would I want 1/6 of my ducts cleaned? Why would I want to pay the price of airfare to someplace warm and sunny, just to have someone blow air through my vents?

Two questions:
(1) Have you found a duct cleaning company that you like and trust? Please share.
(2) What's the most annoying scam you've encountered?

Fairyland

On this day, two years ago, my mother's family gathered to celebrate my grandma's life, and our affection for her. Part of our remembering had to do with 'place'; the magic that existed at Grandma's house and the surrounding forests and fields - which was strong while she was here with us - but diminished in her absence.

One of the magic places was Fairyland: a grove of old-growth pines which had been there for so long, once you entered them, there was no other surrounding landscape. Their foliage, hundreds of feet above us, created a canopy where sun streamed down, visible in beams to the forest floor. Just enough lighting to have produced an amazing bog of sproingy moss 3 feet deep in places - like a lush green mattress spreading out in all directions for mile after endless mile.

I had the pleasure of introducing some dear friends to this place through the years, knowing that one day the magic would diminish; their presence as a witness - to help me remember. Standing amongst the pines was, (similar to staying at Grandmas), like being surrounded by a tribe of old, wise women singing, laughing and whispering to me. I felt cradled, nurtured... It's a little silly, but I felt as if I had been born there and it was right to visit periodically, to honor the place. I had asked my friends to free my ashes there if I ever went before they did.

Last time I went to Grandmas (Memorial Day this past Spring), Ed and I visited Fairyland together. It was one of those mornings that held so much beauty, you'd expect a bluebird to come land on your shoulder. Sun, blooming Spring, Lilacs and Balm of Gilead, and every fresh life scent - the sun warm on our faces. We walked down the long gravel road, frolicked through the field with the dogs, and then entered the short, (30 feet or so) intensely muddy, path through underbrush that led to Fairyland. I was so focused on finding the best route through the mud, I didn't notice till I had cleared the underbrush:

Gone. All of it. It was one of those moments where you take in breath, but it doesn't seem to accomplish anything. Time stopped. Something supposedly permanent was, permanently, gone. I grieved. Hard. And then asked Jesus to fix it when He comes back. I'm sure He will. But these trees were at least 100 years old; they will never grow back while I'm alive.

I share this moment with you because we all experience losses like this. We busily make our route through the muddy, familiar day-to-day, and look up, to find that what seems permanent to us is gone. Loss of parents, children, divorce, accidents that claim our health. We gasp and feel the weight of vast emptiness where something vast in beauty used to stand. With this post, I have said a prayer for each reader, that you will find His comfort and sustenance in the 'place' of your loss. I will pray with you that Jesus will fix it when He comes back. And... I stand with you, as a witness, that He will.

Ten

So I never really talk about work on my blog - which is a little odd since I'm there almost every day. But with all the emphasis on privacy and confidentiality and ownership and rights and representation and, and, (you know what I mean) these days... Don't want to cross any lines, don't want to accidentally misrepresent, don't want anyone to confuse my message with theirs or vice versa or get reprimanded or fired or sued or less of an annual bonus than I would like. Okay you get it...

But, today, I'm making an exception. I received my ten year PIN. Yes, pin. As in, "I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen!" Only, P-I-N.

I'm aware that I could double this post's kicks and giggles factor if I were to sarcastically elaborate on all the faults, quirks and shortcomings of my job. But, the fact is, I'm very happy with where I am and what I do. (I'd attempt to explain what that is - but I've had about 0.3 people comprehend previous descriptions, and most of them start nodding blankly within the first 10 seconds. To sum up: I'm a compliance person). And in this time of sliding markets and slacking work queues, I have to be honest with you: I'm SO thankful for an occupation that doesn't just 'occupy' but actually uses many of my gifts while keeping me interested, engaged, and consistently challenged. A LOT of people don't have that.

In the early years, my attention span for one role would last about 6 months; then I would wait another 6 to apply for a different position. After 7 positions, 5 managers, 7 computers and 6 cubicles, (only 3 phone numbers!), my answer to, "So how do you like what you do?" has gone from, "Well... I won't be doing this forever," to, "I really like it - it's a great fit for me, and I'm thankful to have found this niche."

Did I get 'sucked in'? Hmm - Umbridge still tries to convince me of that sometimes. But I disagree with her. There's good purpose in my being here; it continues to uncover itself each day. I have solid, trusting relationships and a 'voice' to impact my environment. They've treated me well and allowed me substantial flexibility and independence, accompanied by a decent wage. Plus, I get to wear jeans every day. And - I don't have to be an extravert very often. Most importantly, they understand that my personal life does, and will continue to, come first.

Sometimes the road leads where we don't expect. And the places we discover are grander than we would imagine. Thanks for keeping me aboard through all the 'stages', company - and for investing in me along the way. It's been a good 10 years.

You Know You're An 'I' When...

Disclaimer: the following list is intended neither to INclude all introverts, nor to EXclude all extraverts. But it's likely more 'I's than 'E's will consistently relate... You know you're an introvert when:



20. You return phone calls via email.
19. Your ideal get-away is a silent retreat.
18. You make a mental list of conversation topics before coffee dates.
17. You sometimes wear slippers as consolation for having to leave the house.
16. You grew up suspecting that either you were an alien, or everyone else was.
15. Your closest friends are still sometimes surprised by what you say or do.
14. You started a petition against group showers in gym class.
13. You always have one wary eye out for cubicle lurkers.
12. You'd rather read a book than attend a party.
11. You tend to over-estimate the closeness of others' friendships.
10. At restaurants, you choose only booths or corner seats.
9. A blank calendar square is your ticket to paradise.
8. You read 'The Introvert Advantage' at least twice - and bought multiple copies as gifts.
7. You check your cell phone messages once a month.
6. Your main happy place is called: Curledupinbed.
5. You hesitate when someone asks, "Do you have plans today?"
4. The question, "So what should we do?" is the bane of your existence.
3. You often regard 'a night out on the town' as a personal sacrifice.
2. You've pretended your cell phone has reception problems in order to end a conversation.
1. Your real answer to "So how are you?" is, "Check my blog."

Introverts: what attribute or quirk makes you sure you're an introvert?
Extraverts: what do you appreciate most about your introvert friends? (Be nice - next time, they get to comment on you!)

Beginning the Adoption Dialogue

November is adoption month - so seems like an appropriate time to post some thoughts as the time draws nearer. As I caught up with a dear friend over coffee last night, she asked me a question that grabbed my heart: "What can I be reading as we prepare for Eva's arrival?" Wow! Though this friend is someone whom I consider an 'expert' in the area of teaching, training and raising children, she radiated humility. Beyond this question, throughout the course of our conversation, she acknowledged the following things:

1. A healthy perspective on preparation for adoption goes beyond desiring to love and care for a child. There is much to learn.

2. It is realistic (not negative) to acknowledge that parents and children both experience grief and loss, as well as joy, throughout the process of adoption.

3. The differences in adoptive parenting (particularly with toddlers) vs., biological parenting, go beyond pregnancy vs. paperwork.

4. Children who will be part of Eva's 'circle' need to be prepared for her arrival in ways that will celebrate, but not idealize, her.

5. Our still-forming opinions and perspectives on parenting are important - and valued by those who love us.

6. Others besides Ed and I are interested in Eva's welfare and development - enough to spend time preparing with us.

7. Most importantly... transition will have tough parts. But God's hands are all over this. He is revealing His plan, and will present it with great joy, and great care for all involved - through every new step.

For those specifically anticipating Eva's arrival - or anyone in relationship with adoptive families - we highly recommend:

-'Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft' (Mary Hopkins-Best)
-'Attaching in Adoption' (Deborah D. Gray)
-Anything and everything by Holly Van Gulden: 'Dance of Attachment', 'Real Parents: Real Children', etc.

For those not able to digest whole books (we don't expect this of anyone), I'll be posting some helpful information here and there in future blog posts. Positive adoption language, tools for preparing kids, etc. We are so grateful to be bringing Eva into this warm and loving community, and welcome all supportive questions, comments and discussion surrounding any material covered. Thanks for reading!

In Memory

Two years ago tonight, my dear Grandma, Myrtle, was swept up into Jesus' arms. I miss her and think of her often - but love that she is with Him now. And know I will see her in what is sure to seem like such a short time, once all is said and done.

Grandma, being certain now that there is blogging in Heaven, want to let you know that you are remembered with love and affection down here. Your legacy lives on through all your children, many, many grandchildren, and their children - and their children. I too am a mother now, and desire to pass on the legacy, as you have - and I'm so thankful for your example. Goodnight. Say 'hi' to Grandpa and Lloyd and Bob and everyone for me, k? Love you.

"Only one life; t'will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last."

At the Wall

"In Your presence, all our fears are washed away, washed away"... my favorite part of a song that gave me great joy to lead this morning. We've done 'the creepies list' already - but 'creepies' are different than true fears, right? True fears are the things that produce adrenaline and raise pulses; the things that fill us with dread and loathing when we face them - but we usually find ways to avoid them if at all possible. They can make us sick (in multiple ways) if we let them - and some of us have abandoned dreams because of them. Don't worry, I won't be posting any 'fear lists'. (There's an important difference between walls and good boundaries). But I think it's worth mentioning that such lists exist for me - and, likely, for most of us.

Author and psychotherapist Thom Rutledge compares fear to a wall that we can choose to walk toward, or to avoid. His is the most effective metaphor I've experienced in addressing fear; I'd like to share it with you. Before you read, take just a second to think: what's your wall? What's the thing you just "can't" do - and absolutely won't do for that reason? What's the thing that holds you back?

"Imagine yourself standing in front of a big brick wall. Just you and the wall. How close do you stand? And what do you feel when you are facing the wall?

How wide is your wall? And how high? Can you see where the wall ends? Where it begins? Can you reach the top? How old is the wall - or how new? Who built it? And why? How long have you been here? Are you alone? How long do you plan to stay?

It's your wall, you know. Touch it. Feel its texture. Feel whatever you feel.

What is on the other side of the wall? Can you guess? Do you know? Have you ever been there? Do you want to go there now?

What if you are not alone? What if there is more here than just you and the wall? What if [others stand] with you?

What if you are wrong about the strength of the wall? What if you are wrong about your own potential? You've been wrong before, haven't you?

Your wall is made of bricks - individual bricks. The wall is big. the bricks are small. The mortar is of your own making. How strong is it?

What if you destroy your wall? What if you destroy your wall, and then regret it? What if you miss it? What if you can't handle it on the other side of the wall? What if it's too late to turn back now?

Now put your hand on your wall. Touch it, palm flat on the wall. What happens? Push. What happens? Both hands. What happens?

Will you step through? Do you dare? Can you keep yourself from it? Can you let yourself stumble, and laugh when you fall through to the other side of...? What's left of the wall?

What is it like on this side of the wall? The sky, the ground, the air around you - what is it like? What do you see? What do you hear? And what do you feel?

And what's that in the distance?"

- Thom Rutledge, 'Embracing Fear, and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life'-

Throughout the world, people worship a god of Indian origin: Ganesh. He is the 'elephant god'; remover of obstacles. I LOVE the idea of a God who is the remover of obstacles. And, I believe that, for those who worship the true God: Yahweh, Jehovah... THIS IS OUR GOD. He does this. I've seen Him. Sometimes with a wrecking ball; sometimes brick by brick. I believe He involves us in the process; we need to be willing. We need to go toward the wall. But the plan, the strength - is His.

As for my wall? There has been no wrecking ball involved - it's been 17 years of 'baby steps'. But this photo (Adam Clutterbuck) is what is left of it after some ground-shifting this past summer. I can see the other side now. SO thankful. With this post, I have said a prayer for each reader - that He will do the same (and more!) with your wall as well. You are not alone as you face your wall. Thanks for reading!

Procrastination Summation

So I'm a Myers Briggs 'J'. Off the charts. That means I love clarity, definition, think in black and whites... most of all: LOVE closure. So, for a good while, it's mystified me why procrastination would be an issue - most specifically in the areas of packing, and putting gas in my truck.

I have this mental block about stopping for gas: I DON'T want to! Just want to get where I'm going (ah ha! closure...). And I talk myself into thinking I have enough gas to get there - even if the gas gauge is past empty. Neurotic, I know. I think it was made worse by the Jeep Grand Cherokee we used to have that NEVER ran out of gas, no matter how low the gauge got. ANYWAY.

So yesterday, I'm driving to KJ's house for lunch. I was slightly late and in a hurry (had gotten sucked into blogland) and didn't worry about small details like: a coat, socks, shoes I could walk in, an outfit that didn't make me look like a homeless person intending to work out at some point. (No lectures, mom). I was just going to see my dear friend, KJ anyway. I'm about two miles from my house and two miles from the gas station (which, ironically, I was going to try to skip again) when the truck quit. Kaput.

My first instinct is always - "Oh, no worries; I'll just start it up again and make it to the station." No dice. Poor KJ. She loads two lunchless kids and a gas can into the van to come rescue me - and gets there just as the cop has pulled up behind me - with lights on. Now I'm a little traumatized because I have to actually talk to someone else looking like a (not the most modest) homeless person, and I'm positive that everyone I know is driving by seeing a live cop car pulled up behind me.

Long story shorter, gas eventually went in the gas can. After spending a good 5+ (very cold) minutes trying to pour gas from the can into the tank to no avail (turns out it's not just about taking the cap off the nozzle), and exposing my coatless bellybutton to all of Hudson, we finally made it home safe to KJs.

New rule: quarter of a tank; I look for the nearest gas station. Period. How many times have I made that rule before?? Oh - and no homeless sweats in the car. And keep a blanket and some walking shoes in the back seat for goodness sake!

Okay - help me out here. I'm not the only crazy one right? What's your procrastination of choice?

Demise of the Pastel Miniatures

All this talk of decapitation (see yesterday's blog comments) has reminded me of a journal entry which might have been a blog post had there been such a thing at the time (3/11/99):

"I spent a lot of time dusting and cleaning this past week. I am not a klutz. Really, I'm not. I usually move - and move things - rather gracefully. But it never ceases to amaze me that whenever I attempt dusting or cleaning, something gets broken. And the something is most often small, cute and a little too knick-knacky. It never fails.

For instance, as a child, my grandparents were concerned for me because I never collected anything. They attempted to remedy this by purchasing 'Precious Moments' figurines on birthdays and other special occasions. Now - I'll let you in on a little secret: I never really formed any sentimental attachment to Precious Moments figurines. In fact, (though my grandparents' hopes were very sweet), I always thought they were TOO cute. But I never intended to decapitate all of them either. Dusting: the untimely demise of the pastel miniatures...

I guess some things never change. Not long ago, my father gave me a small, clay figure of a tomten (looks like a gnome). I know it was a tomten because I used to have a book about them, and they have pointy red hats and make deceptive prints in the snow. I actually felt quite affectionate toward the tomten as it reminded me of my childhood book - and its creator had taken special care to paint bird-foot prints on the bottoms of his little feet. Very fun - and not too cute.

That didn't stop me, however, from somehow (in the process of dusting) landing the 10 lb. leather-bound Holy Bible in Four Translations (Parallel Edition) atop the little sucker's head. As I groaned, and lifted the Bible slowly to peer at the damage... sure enough, there was the chubby little torso and bird-feet. Headless. Next to the Bible. But where was the head??

After searching on hand and knee for WAY too long, I decided to wait for the head to choose it's own time to reveal itself. I took the Bible and transported it to a potential new location in the next room - as a centerpiece for the coffee table. But once again, I faced disappointment as I could not, for the life of me, get that Bible to sit flat on the table. "What in the world is possessing my stuff today?!" I thought, as I determined the Bible looked too knick-knacky as a centerpiece anyway. I soon found out as I flipped the honker over and discovered the tomten head, still quite jovial, lodged firmly into the leather cover. I suppose my pounding it against the coffee table didn't help at all. Guess they didn't call it a 'holy' Bible for nothing. And thank God for liquid nails..."

The Peeves List

Let's face it: perpetual negativity (as a lifestyle or habit) is about as appealing as garlic breath, northern MN in mosquito season - or a headless, maggot-infested ground squirrel. Nevertheless, we're all prone to have bouts with it and, I imagine, I am not the only one with a list of random peeves. You can learn a lot about someone by getting to know their likes. But get to know their peeves? You've got'em nailed. Here's a sampling from my peeves list:

- Misuse of possessive apostrophes.
- Phone calls during The Office.
- Receipt not printed at the self-serve credit card gas pump.
- Most meal etiquette.
- Spiritualized church lingo or 'buzz' concepts.
- Rules for the sake of rules.
- Hard Jr. Mints (there's a few in every box).
- Hair trends.
- Excessive lawn ornaments.
- Mic stands.
- Business buzz-words. (Only until I start using them).
- Drippy, almost-empty laundry detergent containers.
- Clowns.
- No straw served with root beer.
- Chain emails attempting to emotionally manipulate forwarding.
- Explanation of the use of "therefore" in scripture. (Horse: DEAD!!)
- Drops left on toilet seats.
- The phrase: "lighten up".
- School/team/company spirit displayed via logo'ed apparel.
- Over-used movie or pop-culture references.
- The pretense of concert encores.

Now that we're all good and offended... Come on, let's hear it; what's at the top of your peeves list? (Be nice though - no one's in a fight)!

A Lesson In Voice

College poem. This is a little indulgent; poetry isn't something you post if you need to be relevant to EVERYONE all the time. But - I've been thinking about this one a lot. It has to do with more than singing. Maybe a fellow poet-singer will understand. ;-)

A LESSON IN VOICE

Where is she hiding - your pixie-soul woman?
When breath came down like a spirit's dream,
did you catch her obsidian eyes in your lungs?
Did you choke on her scarlet ribbon hair?
Did you push her up through your selfish throat
till she crouched in your mouth like the anxious drone
of a dial tone from a broken receiver?

Where does she frolic - your sprite-hearted child?
When first you inhaled her naughty grin,
did she fly through your nose like a ticklish demon?
Did she dance with your whimsical tongue?
Did she scale your cords like the slide on a playground
and shoot head-first through your teeth like a passionate hiccup?

When you have freed your pixie-soul woman
to rock your sprite-hearted child to sleep,
when breath has become like a wise old angel
who lives in your stomach and prays beneath your cheeks...
When you have learned to love the song
till Song is all that is, your droning hiccup tones will own
A Voice.

Duct Tape

So... I'm sitting up here in our loft attempting to compose thoughtful, encouraging and/or witty comments to all y'all's blogs and suddenly, in addition to howling ferociously, the wind is making LOUD scraping, banging noises. Lovely. I run downstairs to find long, sharp pieces of metal facia hurling themselves against the $1,600 half-circle window we installed in the new sun-room last year.

Like the genius he truly is, Ed springs into action and, together, we engineer a brilliant solution:

1. Kitchen broom to coax the ends of long metal facia scraps down to our level.
2. Gross dirty dog towel wrapped around the ends, to soften the scratchy blows.
3. DUCT TAPE to hold the towel in place.
4. String to loop through the duct tape, pulling the facia down to keep it from flailing.
5. Closed window to secure the string and facia.

Duct tape: at the center of all good solutions to whacky problems. What would we do without it? What DID our grandparents parents do without it? Most importantly: what's the best duct tape solution YOU ever heard of or devised??

Celebration

Our house is on a hill; a wide horizon surrounds us where, on warm, July nights, we are often able to watch multiple fireworks displays happening simultaneously.

November isn't usually a big fireworks month though, so I was surprised and delighted to look out the window at 11:15 last night (10:15 depending on when your clocks went back), and see a really beautiful display, relatively close by. Not just the silly ones you put off in your yard, but a really decent bunch. It was beautiful - and reminded me of all the things there are to celebrate. Yes, Eva for sure... and also:

- A quiet weekend.
- Coffee, cookies, and heart-level conversation with dear friends over lunch.
- Hudson's free weekend fingerprinting for adoptive parents.
- Friends who love deeply, with words and actions, and know how to share joy.
- The freedom to write what I think, and to share it.
- The earthy smells of autumn.
- Doggies who curl up together sweetly as we movie-lounge on the couch.
- Fridays off.
- Sermon pod-casts.
- A walk with Ed.
- Ancient gerbera daisies...

This is the proverbial tip of the iceberg. It's the little stuff, isn't it? It's all a gift. Fireworks are always appropriate... Thanksgiving is coming up - let's practice: What's one thing in your world that deserves fireworks today?

She Loves Dolls!

We got another surprise update just now! Thanks to 'Groovy' for her intuitive connections and getting us in touch with another mom who was just at the same nursery to pick up her daughter from the same nursery. The little girl who just came home was friends with Eva in the nursery over there, and her mother writes:

"Oh my goodness!! I DO remember Eva!! She sat in my lap almost the entire time I was in the playroom. :) She would push other kids out of my lap so that she could sit in it!! Matter of fact, [Eva's friend] would have NOTHING to do with me, so I played with Eva. :) She is so very friendly and talkative..(but I could not understand what she was saying). I brought bubbles and chocolate and she LOVED BOTH. She also loved the babydolls. (I have a picture of her holding one.). She was a little comedian...and a beautiful one at that!!

I will check with 'T' for video. I am almost certain we have some of her!"

Wow - every new discovery about our little girl is SO precious to us. Thank you, dear Groovy, for going out of your way to bless us with this connection. And happy birthday!! Thank you, 'R', for holding our little girl and lavishing attention on her. Thank you, Lord, for sending 'R' to hold Eva for that afternoon and give her tender affection. Please continue to embrace her and watch over her heart and development in every way... and let us go get her soon!

I do believe Eva's room will be orange and green. We'll keep you 'posted' on progress. :-)

Note to Eva

Last week, I promised - and here she is...! One of my less vocal committee members is a 13-yr.-old version of me; we'll call her 'TeenV' (a.k.a. "Bangs"). Despite the bangs, glasses, sweater, and a number of other less obvious issues, TeenV is actually a sweet, conscientious and remarkably intelligent little thing. And, since she had the honor of writing the first-ever note to my children (her future children), I'm honored to introduce her and give her a voice. Go, TeenV!! Her note (scrawled in turquoise pen with hearts over 'i's and bubble exclamation points on a ripped-out triangle of lined notebook paper), has somehow survived 20 years and 10+ moves, and surfaced recently in my bedside table. It reads:

"Kids,

This sounds pretty funny to me right now because I don't know who you are yet or even who I will marry yet, but anyway - Someday, I'm going to read this letter to you when you get sent to your room because of something that seems unfair or hurts a lot. Right now, I am SO upset! I'm 13 yrs. old and my mom has sent me to my room. I feel like such a dork! I was fixing some pudding for our family - me, mom & dad, Jeremy, & your Aunt Valene (that's weird!!) and I told Valene not to tell mom because it was a surprise. Well, you may or may not know this already, but little sisters are pains in the behinds & she told! ;-) I got mad and "accidentally" smacked her. So, here I sit in my room feeling miserable. Someday, I will be able to remember what I feel like now and help you!

I (heart) you! (heart on the bottom of the exclamation point).

Mom"

Well, hopefully 20 years has equipped me with some better parenting and conflict resolution skills - but we all start somewhere, right? Good job, TeenV, way to make a contribution! And, wow, you sure do know how to fix some bangs...

Welcome, Abby Beth!

Welcome to my beautiful niece, Abigail Bethany, born early, early this morning, November 1st. She had been quite comfy where she was and decided to linger in there a week+ longer than expected... But we're so happy to have her here with us now, with her lovely, dark brown, wavy hair, rosy face, and squeezy cheeks (yes, I am that aunty). Congratulations to Mommy Amanda, Daddy Jeremy, and Sister Ana on this precious addition to the family.

Lord, thanks for another dear niece - for another little one born into a family who will love and cherish her. We love her and ask that you will guard her life and her heart; grow her up in You, and may she learn that You are real and good at a young age - may she learn to trust You. We are grateful for this precious gift, and acknowledge that she belongs, ultimately, to You. Please bless this new little daughter of yours; give her great wisdom and joy and make her a reflector of Your beauty. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.