November is adoption month - so seems like an appropriate time to post some thoughts as the time draws nearer. As I caught up with a dear friend over coffee last night, she asked me a question that grabbed my heart: "What can I be reading as we prepare for Eva's arrival?" Wow! Though this friend is someone whom I consider an 'expert' in the area of teaching, training and raising children, she radiated humility. Beyond this question, throughout the course of our conversation, she acknowledged the following things:
1. A healthy perspective on preparation for adoption goes beyond desiring to love and care for a child. There is much to learn.
2. It is realistic (not negative) to acknowledge that parents and children both experience grief and loss, as well as joy, throughout the process of adoption.
3. The differences in adoptive parenting (particularly with toddlers) vs., biological parenting, go beyond pregnancy vs. paperwork.
4. Children who will be part of Eva's 'circle' need to be prepared for her arrival in ways that will celebrate, but not idealize, her.
5. Our still-forming opinions and perspectives on parenting are important - and valued by those who love us.
6. Others besides Ed and I are interested in Eva's welfare and development - enough to spend time preparing with us.
7. Most importantly... transition will have tough parts. But God's hands are all over this. He is revealing His plan, and will present it with great joy, and great care for all involved - through every new step.
For those specifically anticipating Eva's arrival - or anyone in relationship with adoptive families - we highly recommend:
-'Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft' (Mary Hopkins-Best)
-'Attaching in Adoption' (Deborah D. Gray)
-Anything and everything by Holly Van Gulden: 'Dance of Attachment', 'Real Parents: Real Children', etc.
For those not able to digest whole books (we don't expect this of anyone), I'll be posting some helpful information here and there in future blog posts. Positive adoption language, tools for preparing kids, etc. We are so grateful to be bringing Eva into this warm and loving community, and welcome all supportive questions, comments and discussion surrounding any material covered. Thanks for reading!
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Thank you for your openess and honesty. I have been blessed, moved, and challenged by watching both you and Ed through this process. I will continue to pray for your family.
I just read 'The Martian Child' by David Gerrold. I may not agree with his lifestyle, I did find the book a fascinating look and adopting.
I believe that what you have in your heart - the love, the desire and that she is already a Rankin is all you need. There are ups and downs in parenting and as long as God is first everything else will fall into place. You have a great start!
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