The Fullness of Time

I can feel the miracle of the knitting-together of you,
in a secret place beyond myself -
where science can't define, nor moral judge.

No act of man and woman overshadowed
the fruit of dreams and prayers all intermingled,
stitching what is permanent; not flesh, but love of you.

The kick of you is felt a world away -
no swelling of a breast, but of our hearts.
Emerges, the awareness of His forming
in these moments where a new forever starts.

(By -V-, 8/23/07 - the first day I 'knew' without knowing).















And so it is that our full-blooming tulips truly do announce the long-anticipated assurance that Eva is, indeed, our precious daughter. We have been granted guardianship and are planning travel within the month! We received the news on the 22nd (Ed's b-day) - we believe God has done all of this, and we celebrate with full hearts. And because we've been in the midst of what He's doing, we've been witness to pieces of HOW He's worked; I view it as my joy, and my job, to testify in what I know of His amazing work:

1. Weeks ago, as I prepared for Ed's b-day party scheduled for yesterday (with 30+ family and friends), I simply prayed that we'd be able to announce the good news at that time.

2. Sunday the 18th, a sister was compelled to seek prayer with a prayer minister at the front of their church. Together, in tears, they cried out to God to remove any remaining obstacles and, specifically, to bring Eva home by this time next month.

3. Monday the 19th, an aunt called my mother to share that she had had a dream about Eva - she and I happy, together, on a blanket. She woke with assurance that it would be soon, and shared that with my mom.

4. Monday, a dear friend's heart was led - she dropped to her knees in prayer to ask that Ed and I would receive the assurance of Eva's coming home by his birthday (the 22nd).

5. Monday, another dear friend began having dreams about Eva and me which recurred through Wednesday. She called me Thursday (before we announced) to share this - and it was all I could do to keep the secret till our announcement yesterday!

6. Another friend shared that she was 'distracted' with prayer on behalf of us, and Eva this past week. That she was called to especially pray for the remaining paperwork to wrap up - for the success of angels to intervene in a situation we could not control. Her faith (and ours) was strengthened as we got the news in response to these specific prayers.

7. Tuesday, I shared our story with a Christian friend on my business trip who promised to pray for us - and to add us to his church's prayer list.

8. Wednesday, as I returned from AZ on a business trip, I read a chapter on emotional needs in an adoption book I've been reading. Eva's soon coming-home was impressed on my heart as I could clearly see in this chapter ways He's shaped, not just these past few years, but our lives and marriage, to be the parents of this precious girl. Her homecoming ceased to be a question for me on that plane ride home.

9. Many close friends 'knew' in a way you can know without knowing that the time was imminent - the 'feel' of the waiting had changed.

10. As Ed got the call on his cell phone Thursday (his b-day), he knew what the call was for before being told. As he called to share the news with me, the weight of so MANY years of waiting lifted off me and I cannot even describe (outside of hyperventilating from crying too hard) what that feels like.

I could write books on all He's done throughout this process of waiting. So much of it good, so much of it, honestly, tough. Worth it all? Absolutely - every step. But a journey that, (as on all faith journeys), can get tiring and confusing - with limited 'visibility'. As we celebrate, there are still others who wait. Some waits have been even longer than ours, and my heart goes out to them with deep compassion. If you know someone in this place, please pray for them whole-heartedly as you have prayed for us. Please support, encourage, and listen - as you've done for us. And, though it is only an attempt to graciously relate, please avoid informing them of the other couple you know whose adoption process was complete in 3 weeks... or advising them that domestic adoption is much easier, when they have chosen international. Sure, they're strong - they can handle it... but, despite all good intentions, not everything (seemingly) relative is beneficial.

As we celebrate this peak point, we are, simultaneously, aware that in the grand scheme, this is a beginning of another long journey of faith that may require even more patience, strength, and trust. Parenthood is not for wimps, as they say. In coming months, we too, will need your grace, patience and continued support in prayer and encouragement. Thank you for being our community and family.

That's about all, I think. We'll let you know travel dates when we know them - but blogging will thin out for awhile from here. SO much to prepare! Once we return, I'll try to do at least weekly updates on our family's transition. Blessings on you all and thanks for reading!

P.S. The title of the poem above (written exactly 9 months prior to this week's announcement - and recorded and dated, in pen, in my journal)? 'Conception'. Hmmm.

The Weight of Tulips

I try not to do it... (you fellow intuitives will know what I mean): in shameless scorn of all logic or reasoning, building metaphoric associations between completely unrelated concepts or circumstances. I guess we all do it to some extent though - even if only in fleeting thoughts... tying a groundhog's shadow to a season's length, a broken mirror to fortune's status.

I am aware that this is a sure way to experience disappointment - at best, we waste thought on silly superstition; at worst, we, albeit unwittingly, venture to control (by prediction) things far beyond our reach. There is some sense of human poetry to it, however, and sometimes I simply can't help myself; the best I can do is try to keep my logically irreverent metaphors to myself. But, alas, in what I'm about to share, I will not succeed even in that.

I did a post last Fall - on planting bulbs. Whispered a short prayer for God's help in making the bulbs come up this spring (after 3 years of failed attempts), and promised to post pictures if they did. What I didn't share in that post was that, for 3 years, each Fall I've planted bulbs, I was simultaneously weaving a metaphor between their possible future blooming and my daughter coming home.

"Okay... if the bulbs bloom next spring, it's a sign that this is the year... if they don't, that's a sign too."

Well... for what it's worth, the tulips above are in my garden. And there are 10+ more set to bloom in the next few days. Ironically, this open one had a close call with an eager toddler fist yesterday afternoon (a friend's little girl). Had it not been for my silly metaphor, I'd have let her pick it... and next year, (God willing), Eva can have her pick. But, all things considered, little Ava Witkowski and I took a fun walk to collect pretty dandelions for her mommy instead. :-)

Maybe this is the year... Perhaps such signs are better based on her brimming closet, cookbooks as reading material on my dresser, an overflow of toys in every room of the house, a growing sense of readiness and unfolding hope. But the tulip metaphor is in my favor this year; think I'll stick with it. Too bad for the daffodils and hyacinths - they're going to miss the party!

P.S. I cooked pw's Penne Pasta with Asparagus and Bacon this weekend. After a near miss with boiling the pasta, I did just fine! I'm sure to remember to let the water boil first next time... ;-) Thanks, pw - it was great! (And Ed's calling to schedule dinner this week).

The Other Dog

Sunday: technically, my first Mother's Day. A good and happy day - a celebration of hopes realized, but the fullness of joy still yet to come. Not much different, I suppose, than any pregnant to-be mom on Mother's Day... only my child is in the world, and active - eating, playing, sleeping...




My husband, who regularly loves me in ways I cannot deserve, out-did himself this year. He collaborated with his father (a gifted illustrator) to write me a children's book. Well... actually, I guess, Guffman and Duncan adapted it from a book Madeleine l'Engle already wrote. Now that I'm done sobbing, I'd like to share it with you:

THE OTHER DOG

First of all, you should know that we are the authors of this book. We put our heads together - figuratively and literally - and the creative juices flowed (at least that's what we assumed they were).


Believe you us: without us authors, a book would never get written. And you can't chew on a book that hasn't been written! So, we - W.F. Guffman and Duncan Rankin - wrote this book, with the assistance of that inferior canine, Eva.

This summer, our mommy went away for A HUNDRED YEARS.

Or a few hours. It's hard to tell.

And when she came back, she brought with her...

another dog.



















If you ask us, this was a great waste of money. Dogs are expensive to feed, clean up after, and repair. We don't know how Mommy can afford to lose any more shoes.













We have mad skills.

We can play endless hours of any game Mommy can think of (as long as it involves fetching a ball). We can snatch flying balls right out of the air!

We are very talented.



















And until this other dog was brought into our home (without warning), our master and mistress seemed perfectly happy with us.


















As pets, we regard ourselves as professionals. We are positive that no other dog could have honed the skill of cuddling to the caliber that we have.

So why another dog?













We swim like the graceful sirens of marine lore. Our master and mistress love to look at us.

So why another dog?












We afford our master endless pleasure in his off-hours when he bathes us and plays with our ears and squirts strange substances in them. We sit still while he pokes and prods and sprays and massages.

No other dog would be so good and patient.

We are tremendously useful in defending the home. We always announce to our master and mistress the slightest movement on the street in front of our house. No one could be more efficient, conscientious, or loud about this than we are.

Our master and mistress have no idea the number of jogger and deer related attacks they have been spared due to our diligent surveillance.

So why another dog?

But what's done is done. The other dog was brought home, and we had to learn to make the best of it.



















Nevertheless, from the start we noticed a great many mysterious and horrifying things. For instance, when we are taken out to get some fresh air, we always have to walk - even when it rains.

The Eva is taken out in some kind of cart, and when it rains she doesn't get to go out at all.

And another thing.

During leisure time, we are content to lounge at our mistress' feet or some other canine-appropriate locale on the floor.

Eva openly climbs on all the furniture and lays about with impunity!

At least one thing remained clear. Of all the dogs, we are the most important.

You see, each afternoon we all go outside, this dog called Eva and us. However, only two balls are thrown by the ball thrower. When pitted against our keen radar and freight train engines, she is no match for us at fetch. She does not get a ball from the ball thrower.

Well if that doesn't show you who's who around here, we don't know what would.

And another thing. This Eva-dog gets fed whenever she wants.

We only get fed twice a day.

Of course, there may be a reason for this.


You see, we have frequently been told that our tails are like mighty alligators and our tongues are like proud flags aloft.











Eva-thing hasn't any tail at all and only a little tiny tongue! Perhaps they think that if they feed her and feed her, she may grow into a majestic flag-waving alligator like us.














And, by the way, our Eva - as well as having no tail - has practically no hair. Certainly not enough to brush. So, when people come to call, we have to put clothes on her. All we need is a good hair-brushing.


















The Eva-dog is growing bigger and bigger every day, and more and more rambunctious. She clearly needs to be protected and kept company.

Since we know the ropes around here, we better stay close by her side in order to maximize fun and safety.














We have become more use there than as the life of the party. It may be useful, but it's not nearly as much fun. But since we have Eva-dog, someone has to take care of her, and we will do our part.

















We must admit, though, that in our few conversations she's been most interested in everything we've had to say. Which is, we think, a definitely encouraging sign of intelligence.

She also sometimes tastes good and has good snacks.

We must admit that in spite of ourselves, we are becoming very fond of our other dog.

So somehow or other, we have come to the

unpredictable
surprising
amazing
astonishing
admonishing
astounding
confounding
tantalizing

conclusion...

In every home there should be at least three dogs!



















Welcome, Eva - and lots of love.

-Guffman and Duncan-

And The Prize Goes To....

Okay, first of all... EVERYONE'S meal ideas are going in the Rankin recipe book. We have them printed out and are excited to try them all - THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone for taking the time to submit ideas!



As we agreed, however, someone's coming over for dinner... And the winner is... pw! The Penne with Asparagus and Bacon, AND Baked Potato Night have lured me in especially - and I plan to try them for my college friend, Elizabeth, during her visit next week. Pw, one of us will be calling in the next few weeks to get our dinner on the calendar. :-)

Honorable mentions go to Tami for the pork shoulder crock pot idea, Katie for the Mac 'n' Cheese dish and Laura for the Calzones (which Ed has said is the only thing he ever wants to eat for dinner ever again).

Stacy - your lentil recipe is a similar concept to what we've heard Eva eats in the nursery; we have it bookmarked as an impending favorite!

Thanks again to everyone - we will use them all!

Caption Please

Yes, this is really Ed. Caption wizards, do your magic... :-)

Whew!

It's alive!! The happy orange Iris is the glory of my garden when it's in bloom... It's the only truly orange (not peach, etc.) Iris I've ever seen - and the only one of its kind in the random greenhouse sale dump-pile where I found it last year. Last June, I'd planted it just before it went into full bloom, so I was concerned about whether it would return this Spring.

Whereas my new blue/purple bearded Iris has more green on it than anything else in the garden, this treasured orange one had remained brown and dead until last week when a tiny green leaf poked up. The dogs promptly stepped on it and it turned brown and died. But now there's another one! I'm guarding that hope-leaf with my life... :-)

Whole Foods; Whole Life

As a direct result of what I took away from tonight's 'Whole Foods; Whole Life' church event, I'm sitting down with a WHOLE bowl of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge Ice Cream and two WHOLE chocolate chip cookies. I don't plan to juice them, however.

P.S. I plan to address recipes this week. THANK YOU for all the great contributions to the future Rankin meal book! Results TBD soon...

B.U.H.D.

Back. Up. Hair. Dryer. Never be home without one. Well, at least not when you plan to be at church at 7:30 AM to lead worship all morning...





Leaving for work with wet hair? It's been done. Friends and family gatherings? No big deal. Even Saturday night church service might not have been a complete disaster. But Sunday morning?? Oh, the sinking feeling in my stomach as I turned on the (20+ yr. old) hair dryer to hear only a lifeless click. Double checked. Triple checked. Tried multiple outlets. Pried off filter to clean and quadruple check. Dead. Dead. Dead.

So the following phone conversation occurred at 6:30 AM, upon my realization that I had no other options:

DIALING: 1 ring... 2 rings... 3 rings... 4 rings... (uh oh) 5 rings...

JASON: Um...ullo?

VONDA: Hi, Jason - it's Vonda. I am SO SO sorry to be calling right now. Can I talk to Michele?

JASON: Oh, um... is this an emergency?!

VONDA: Yes.

MICHELE: Vonda!! Are you boarding a plane for India?!?

VONDA: Um, no... Ah... My hair dryer's dead and I have to leave for church in 1/2 hr.

MICHELE: (Spunky laughter...) You. Coming here. Letting yourself in with the garage code. Coming to my bedroom and getting the dryer out of the bathroom drawer. Bye.

V's RELIEVED COMMITTEE MEMBER: THANK GOD!! :-)


May we all have friends whose bathrooms we can raid for hair emergencies in the middle of the night...

Oh - and B.U.H.D. also stands for a favorite napping stance on an amazing (finally sunny!) afternoon at Perch Lake:

Blankets
Under
Happy
Dreamers

They're Coming For Us

Told you so.

Completely Free

“Because of the gospel’s power, you can be completely free of all condemnation.

Not mostly free; completely free.



Don’t buy the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that a constant, low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity.

It’s just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. It’s only when we receive his free gift of grace and live in the good of total forgiveness that we’re able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience.”

- C.J. Mahaney, The Cross Centered Life, 39, 40-
('First Importance' - link to the right)


...Thank you, C.J. Of all the quotes I've read that summarize my journey of Grace begun a year ago (but much longer ago than that), this is the most concise. Love how good quotes can sink a truth in further...