Do you remember, as a kid, asking your parents, "Is it gonna be alright?" I do... in fact, I've been known to ask my husband that periodically during our 12 years of marriage. There's something about it - just hearing someone you love and respect say that it's going to be alright. It's calming, reassuring...Today was 'day 2' of Ed back at work - 12 hour days for Eva and me to navigate. We're off to a wonderful start, her attachment to both of us building and evening out. And when 'Papa' comes home, there is quite the celebration. Hooting and hollering and a mad dash for the door; my cautious arms extended to keep her from rushing into the garage before the car engine halts. I love the security she's finding in her daddy; she calls him "Papa Enday": 'my daddy', in Malayalam. His presence is the answer to the question she can't yet ask us verbally: "Is it gonna be alright?"
The anticipation and joy with which she runs to him at the end of the day has me thinking about where I run. There are so many options, you know? Movies and Perch Lake are a couple of favorites for me. Sometimes close girlfriends, sometimes my husband. And there's nothing wrong with enjoying any of these... even, I think, in finding some comfort in them. But what's my bottom line - my true Refuge? Movies are shallow satisfaction; Perch Lake could someday close, or (worse) banish flotation devices. Human relationships, even the closest ones, are guaranteed an earthly end.
It sounds trite - and if you're a Christ-follower, you've heard it a million times. But it's starting to sink in in a new way for me that God - and His Word - are truly my Refuge. That when it comes my turn to answer the question, "Yes, my baby girl, everything will be okay..." I will say that, not because I have power to cure all her hurts and questions, or control over the circumstances of her life... but because I know that my 'Papa Enday' is good. That, in Christ, her heart can be safe for always and forever, no matter what.
And, for me, being able to say that - and knowing to Whom I run - feels like what it feels like to be a mom.
10 comments:
Oh, Vonda! Thank-you for that insight. Those very thoughts have been mine so very often through life and of course I could never share them as you have. But the truth has still always been close to my heart. You must read "The Shack". I am not done reading that book even yet, but that truth is again taught in a beautiful way in that book. What a wise mama you are! And what a good example of the true Papa Ed is living for his family. Thanks, Mom
Welcome back from your mommy brain break! It seems that when you have a child you only focus on that and your brain becomes fuzzy and now I see you are clearing.
Thanks for the thoughts!
Thanks, guys! Bren - the perceived "clearing" was a combination of a Caribou white chocolate mocha, and 2 hours to myself, to read... Thank the Lord for a hubby who willingly supports a weekly 'mommy night'.
I'm hoping the thoughts brought to surface during that time is a good sign that there's still some form of creative life in the neurons 'up there'. :-)
It's not trite.
I am learning anew what it means to be IN God's love now that I, too, am a mother.
Thank you for sharing.
Wonderful thoughts! Convicting too! I often run to movies, books, or surfing the net when I'm feeling scared or overwhelmed and needing answers.
I love reading the precious stories about Eva and how she loves her daddy sooooo much. Grandma Swin sent us an e-mail this week telling us all about her animated little personality and how much fun she is. It makes me sad that we live so far and can't see her in person yet!
So well put, Vondie.
I've had several people recommend "The Shack" to me in the past month. A friend even lent it to me. Maybe you and I should check it out?
Nicely said. It is so important for us not to run dry ourselves when we are giving so much. Wonderful reminders.
You are wondeful and your story is inspiring. I loved meeting Eva and sharing a few "facial expressions" with her. She is beautiful and very lucky to have you two as parents.
Thanks, v! Beautiful reminder.
amen, my dear, faithful, daughter...
grammy enday
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