On Waiting...

QUOTE FOR TODAY: "I'm finding there's a lot of kicking and screaming to do on the way to that 'gentle, quiet spirit'." - TK

HYMN FOR TODAY: Be Still, My Soul (Katharina von Schlegel, 1752)

Be still my soul; the Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still my soul; your best, your heav'nly friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul; your God does undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and wind still know
The voice of Him who ruled them here below.

The Final Comment

DISCLAIMER: For readers discouraged by the somewhat ridiculous length of these first two posts, please know this isn't my long-term plan. Just getting it out of my system. Thanks for understanding.


Woke up this morning and found myself asking, "Do I REALLY feel like attending that memorial service for my co-worker's mother?" I had planned to go... but the morning was overcast, rainy and cool; a great day for cherished introvert activities involving blankets, slippers, books - and perhaps that newish leather journal which hasn't yet lost its 'fresh paper' smell, and helps me keep dreaming of eventual motherhood.

I had searched my inner soul about a millimeter deep before retrieving the answer: of course I didn't feel like it! But, let's face it: life isn't always about what we feel like, right? I pulled out the toothbrush and curling iron and prepared for extroversion. Directions: printed. Dogs: pottied. Ed: dressed and coming with me (thank you SO much, my knight). It was when I found ourselves lost, making random guesses at 'right' or 'left' somewhere south of White Bear Lake, (since when are 120 and 35E the same road?!!?), 4 full minutes after the service had started, that Umbridge began to contribute her advice:

UMBRIDGE: You screwed up the directions and now you're going to be late. The deceased are never honored by late funeral attendees and neither are their grieving relatives. This wasn't meant to be. Go home.

BRUCE: I don't think being late has to be a show-stopper. You've come a long way and, down deep, you want to support your co-worker in her grief. Let's follow through with the caring... this is going to turn out just fine.

ME: (7.5 minutes late): "That's it - I'm going home."

ED (and his fancy-pants Blackberry GPS): "No wait - I got it; we're almost there."

We slipped in easily on the last verse of 'Holy, Holy, Holy'. The usher, (who seemed to be waiting for us), handed us an open hymnal, and we remained virtually undetected... until my cell phone went off!! (Thanks, Mom! ;-):

ME: CRAP!

UMBRIDGE: (Snicker)... genious.

BRUCE: Chill.

Long story shorter, it was a beautiful service and I was thankful to be there. My co-worker was gracious and blessed despite our noisy entrance...and somewhere in the middle of the pastor's comments, the thought occurred to me, "All of us are here in this room to make one final 'comment' on the blog (okay, life) of Mrs. Schendel."

It's true, isn't it? By participating in this one final earthly remembrance of someone's story, we're either saying, "I see you. I've heard your voice. And I acknowledge and celebrate the beauty of your story." Or, in the case of supporting grieving relatives, "I'm with you. I know you're hurting. And I meet you here to comment on this milestone post of yours, believing that the beauty of our stories will increase because we connected at this point."

Let's attend each other's funerals. Let's attend the funerals of people we don't even know because our friends have loved them. Let's comment on each other's stories, stubbornly insisting that God puts hope and purpose and beauty into life, and it increases when we connect with people. And (to those of you who love me), please help me remember when I forget that...

Take a Seat, Umbridge

Author and psychotherapist Thom Rutledge supports our ditching the "myth of singularity": "the belief that we're supposed to have only one opinion and one feeling at a time." The reality, he says, (and I mostly agree), is that we all have committees in our heads - and, throughout life, each of us must walk to the head of the long, rectangular board room table of our minds and successfully provide firm leadership and direction. Understanding the personalities and motives of each committee member is key in this process...

So folks, I give to you... the Committee In My Head. There are a number of interesting characters in mine - a few of them are even minors. But the 'majority leaders', the adult figures that filter most of the ongoing discussion, are Umbridge (the Bully) and Bruce (the Ally).

DOLORES UMBRIDGE:

I give full credit to J.K. Rowling and Imelda Staunton for creating the perfect epitome of (and name for) my Bully. Umbridge loves to have the first and last word; for her, those words are usually "when", "what if", "yeah but", and "you shouldn't". She claims to have good, protective intentions toward me, but her methods are often cruel, manipulative and fear-based.

BRUCE:

For the embodiment of my Ally, I credit Bruce himself for his acting talent and iconic Hollywood persona. Bruce is not fearless, but only raises valid fears for my consideration. His calm, weathered confidence inspires a sense of safety in any circumstance. He's been there, done that - and he knows I can be there and do that too.

That being said, here's a glimpse of the debate that ensued as I snooped around others' blogs trying to determine whether to start my own:

ME: Hm... this looks kind of fun; I'm thinking about starting a blog.

UMBRIDGE: (Snicker), Now there's an original idea...know anyone who's started a blog lately? Thought you and I had an agreement about jumping aboard crowded bandwagons. Let's take the road a little less trampled, shall we?

BRUCE: I say go for it if you want to; it's a great way to connect with people and it's consistent with your goal to write more.

UMBRIDGE: Yeah, but that's the thing... with your so-called writing... when have you ever EVER written anything that you didn't look back at a year later (sometimes less) and swear to remember to burn it before you die?? I'm just trying to save you some embarrassment here.

BRUCE: Growth and change is part of the fun, isn't it? If we all waited till we've achieved perfect wisdom to start doing what we like, we'd all be, well... kind of like you, Umbridge. Take the risk, V; I like the way you write.

UMBRIDGE: Fine - listen to him if you want, but I still think you're going to have multiple offers for a free psychiatric consultation the second you post anything for public viewing.

BRUCE: I guess that's a possibility... but we all get a little crazy once in awhile. Once, I drove this huge semi up a crumbling highway ramp with a stealth bomber right on my tai...

UMBRIDGE: Oh please, Bruce - if she can even get a photo of herself on her 'About Me' link, then we'll talk about exactly who is and who isn't cra...

ME: Okay - thanks for your input, guys. Bruce, thanks for the encouragement. Take a seat, Umbridge; I'm gonna start a blog today.

P.S. Any of you experts know how to get a picture on the 'About Me' link? :-)