Symmetrical Book Stacking

Speaking of symmetrical book stacking (yesterday's comments), one of our upcoming childproofing projects will be shortening some of our book stacks to make them less precarious. Books are one of those things (like garbage cans and underwear drawers) where you can tell a lot about a person in a short span of time. Here are some titles at the top of my current stacks:

1. Shepherding a Child's Heart
2. Embracing Fear
3. Adopting a Toddler
4. Oven Manual (open to 'Cleaning')
5. Waking the Dead
6. The Dance of Attachment
7. Saint Julian
8. Bible (open to Romans)
9. How to Be Your Own Selfish Pig
10. Hymnal (open to 'Be Still My Soul')
11. Enneagram Personality Type Descriptions
12. Thesaurus (open to 'fluke')
13. God Calling
14. Please Understand Me
15. Eva's future lifebook

What's at the top of your stack? Any must-reads I should add to mine for 2008?

Fear Busters: Turning Worry Into Wonder

A few days ago, in a rush to brunch with friends, I backed our SUV (with 'gusto') smack into a large snowbank on the side of the driveway. This particular snowbank was immediately above a culvert - a 3 foot embankment we had newly landscaped with rocks and grasses this past summer. The front left tire was barely touching the driveway, the rest of the vehicle slanted downward precariously - and I became convinced of the likelihood (not just the possibility) of the following things:

1. We would need to pay money to excavate the SUV.
2. Our landscaping would need to be re-done.
3. Rocks would damage the underside of the SUV resulting in need for car repairs.
4. Even a tow-truck would have difficulty dislodging us since the driveway was mainly ice.
5. Someone could get seriously hurt in the process of trying to push the SUV from behind.
6. Our entire afternoon would be spent attempting solutions.
7. I might be without a car for at least the next few days, or until Spring.

I shared most of these concerns with Ed (as calmly and positively as possible) on our way to brunch in our second vehicle, while voicing strong, yet polite, aversion to his opinion that it probably wouldn't take much to fix this. At the time, I remember saying, "I feel really strongly about this, Ed... but I honestly don't know whether I'm catastrophizing, or just being intuitive."

The result? After enjoying a great meal, our brunch friends drove home with us and, (in the less than 10 minutes it took me to don my boots, jeans, warmer coat, hat, mittens, scarf and fierce determination), the SUV was easily dislodged with a tow rope and their Mountaineer. On the first try. Not one blade of landscaping grass crushed. No rocks visible. No one had to attempt to push. I watched, and giggled in awestruck delight... then immediately began to soak in this important lesson...

I forget this quote's author and exact words, but here's the gist of what someone smart once said or wrote: "Worry doesn't work; there are only two options. Either you're wrong and you've wasted precious energy, intellect and time. Or, if you're right - all you're left with is the dim satisfaction of being right. That's all - it fixes nothing, prepares you for nothing."

If I'm honest, I've always been slightly annoyed with people who advise, "Just live in the present." Some of us (Intuitives particularly) are actually wired to think of future possibilities. There is purpose for this, and beauty - just as there are benefits of being rooted in the practicality of the present. So how can Intuitives (and any other worriers) turn worry into wonder?

My new motto for 2008: "Choose a new what-if". I can't (and don't want to) stop thinking of future possibilities - it's against my grain and would shut me down. But I can and will choose to take captive fearful thoughts disguised as intuition, and turn them into positive possibilities. What if the Mountaineer is stronger than I think? What if Eva comes home in February? What if my job lets me cut to 20 hours? What if God is REALLY good - no matter which possibilities come true? What if He REALLY loves me and has my BEST in store?

Is this a bunch of 'pop psychology', 'positive thinking' mumbo jumbo? I'm still in the process of fully testing, but I don't think so. Scripture backs it up:

"Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things [...] put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..."

This, I believe, is a path worth walking down. Busting fear and worry has been an important theme for me in 2007. I have, by no means, "arrived", but am ready to process externally about this path on which He's so tenderly led me. Fear-busters yet to come: 'Self-Compassion vs. Self-Worship', 'No Fear In the Moment', 'Redemption vs. Worm Theology', 'Reserving the Right to Disagree - With Myself'... there might be more too. Don't worry, I'll fill in the generous gaps with lighter fare.

Thanks for reading, friends; looking forward to being back 'in the loop'!

Honorable Mention

One last pre-break post since it's not tomorrow yet... My 12-day 'treasuring up' will still very much include listening to Bill Giovannetti sermons (www.maxgrace.com) as I process internally. Bill pastors a large church in CA, and recently requested that readers of his blog submit Christmas-themed sermon ideas. Just discovered that the idea I submitted received honorable mention within the first 3 minutes of his Dec. 2nd sermon. I'm red-cheeked and smiling. :-)

Thanks for the mention, Bill! Abba has used your teaching of His Word to crack open stubborn walls in my life in 2007. By His Grace, I look forward to seeing them crumble further in 2008. I'm thankful for your commitment to His Truth, and hope that you and your family have a wonder-filled celebration of Jesus b-day, and all that His coming means for us... Merry Christmas!

Treasuring Up

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

-Luke 2:19-

This is one of my very favorite verses from the Christmas story - always has been. The focus throughout Luke to that point had been Jesus birth - as it should be. But I love that the author, a male, pauses for a sentence to consider a new mother's thoughts... she had gone through so much in this story and it seems such an appropriate glimpse. In particular, love the phrase, "treasured up"; I picture, not just fleeting thoughts, but real processing. Heart level stuff.

I have 12 days off of work starting tomorrow and, since earlier this month, I have planned to follow Mary's lead. I too long to 'treasure up' the birth of my Savior. And, as a new mom with a daughter across the world, I find I have some heart-level processing to do as well.

I have no questions about why I need to write, or the fact that I will continue; I will be back on January 2nd. And hope that you will join me again then! So no embarrassing gushy or flattery weirdness, k? If you feel like it, a simple 'Merry Christmas' will do.

And I too, simply, wish you all the most blessed of Christmases. May His Joy fall on you... and if you haven't met Him yet, I pray you are able to hear His gentle, welcoming voice above the noise of the season. Your night may be far from silent, but He's come to be where you are in the midst of it all. Be blessed and uplifted all friends; His coming is the reason for true HOPE... So let's 'TREASURE UP!' - in whatever ways rest and beautify your heart the most this season.

Looks Like Love

We love having Windsor and Wildfire as neighbors. Their pasture begins just behind our bedroom window, and we have the pleasure of enjoying them as they enjoy one another's companionship. Wildfire is younger and stronger than Windsor; he leads their way to the freshest parts of the pasture, never straying more than 20 feet or so from his dear friend. They nuzzle one another, help each other keep flies off during the summer. And they play... One of my favorite moments from last winter was during a heavy snowfall with large, wet flakes. As I played the piano, I looked out the window to see the two of them on their backs, covered in snow and kicking all fours into the air, wiggling like big puppies wanting a belly scratch.

The next house down, a baby pony runs circles around the older, wiser mares, jubilantly (and not entirely gracefully) kicking up his back heels, testing his height and speed.

Then, speaking of big puppies... can you believe these two? Ed and I stole a glance into the sunroom to find them cuddling the other day. Don't tell anyone though; they'd much prefer everyone to think they're constantly biting and torturing one another. Busted!

I'm always interested to hear the 'natural' explanation for animal behaviors; they say everything has it's purpose, and every purpose is somehow rooted in instinct and survival. But what is it that gets a horse on his back in a blizzard, hooves greeting snowflakes? What kind of instinct has a dog rest his chin sweetly on the shoulder of a reclining friend? Forget the natural explanations this time; I don't want to know. It's Christmas - and it looks like joy and love to me.

On the Road Again...

My soul grows an extra pair of legs this time of year; I start to long for the road. Not in a sad, escapist kind of way; just a road trip. Still - what's up with that? Everyone else is 'home for the holidays'; I'm ready to gas up and fly. Here are a few creative ways I've satisfied this urge through the years:



WTRL Trips:

WTRL = "Where the Road Leads". You give yourself 5 and 1/2 hours, $200, and get behind the wheel. Choose a direction: right or left. And that's the ONLY way you turn. And you only turn when you absolutely have to ('T' intersection or 'exit only'). You don't change lanes. The point is to find the exact destination to which the lane leading out of your driveway leads - in 5.5 hours. Then find the nearest hotel, crash there, and explore a new neighborhood for the first time. Or a familiar one in a new way. I have yet to find my WTRL location from our Hudson house and am itching to do so.

Ocean Emergency Trips:

I've had a number of these via airplane. But the most desperate was the day after Christmas, 1998: a flight straight down I35 all the way to Galveston, TX arriving at 3:30 in the morning Dec. 27th. The beach was the only thing open, and my sleeping bag molded sweetly to its shape. 3 days exploring Galveston, its history and shops, feeling the sun on my face, running ecstatically beside the waves... I was refueled and ready to drive home again.

Drive Down Memory Lane Trips:

This is a trip with someone you know and trust. I did one with my sister this past summer. We drove through the valley where we used to play as children, which is now a housing development; the church we grew up in, now under construction - I got in mud up to my knees, insistent on glimpsing the parking lot. Then, we settled some old scores at our childhood camp near St. Cloud, reminiscing about how stuff used to be - and what things will never change. Afterward, I found my thoughts returning to that day, wishing I could re-live it in every detail.

What about you - any creative road trip ideas to share? If I like yours, I might put it to use soon...

Elved

Did you know you can elf yourself?






Mark, my silly co-worker, should have his own blog. (He sometimes reads mine though - Hi, Mark!) Nevertheless, he refuses to start one - which, I have to admit, sometimes makes for better entertainment at work. Thanks to his unmet need to express silliness more publicly, my immediate colleagues and I have spent hours attempting to twirl our feet while drawing sixes in the air... and have now 'elved ourselves'. (For Mark's sake, I will add that, somewhat humorously, one can 'elf' oneself, yet is simultaneously rendered incapable of choosing the appropriate gender in which to do so).

Bet you never knew I could dance, huh?