1/31/08

12 No More

I used to ice skate. I was okay - competed and stuff, but only until I was 12. I knew three jumps: the bunny hop, the waltz jump, and the half flip. Now, the half flip wasn't really a flip - but it was, like, half an axel or something (I think). You do a full rotation in the air after sticking your toe-pick in the ice and pulling yourself backward. I practiced endlessly; over and over, on land and ice - my body still has the motions memorized.

So today, I'm playing with the dogs outside in our yard - which is ice - hopping around to get warm. And it occurred to me that it might be fun to attempt a half-flip. The following things occurred:

1. Left hip snapped as right leg extended. (This, an unheeded warning).
2. Right ankle clicked and loosened as I pointed my toe.
3. Left knee groaned as it took on my full weight.
4. Left lower calf charlie-horsed as it struggled to propel me backward, spinning.
5. Head felt nauseous and dizzy as body turned sluggishly.
6. The force of gravity somehow increased exponentially since 1986.
7. Right knee crunched and femur threatened to snap upon landing.
8. I staggered, drunk-like, toward the garbage can, my tushi narrowly avoiding a nearby ice-bank.
9. Dogs looked at me with cocked heads, wondering at my loss of sanity.
10. Femur still hurts more than 1/2 hour later.
11. So does my neck.

According to my calculations, this is the only disadvantage of being almost 34, rather than 12.

1/30/08

It's Back!

Finally, a great show not disrupted by the writer's strike. Sorry in advance to anyone attempting to call tomorrow night... :-)

Any other fans out there?

1/29/08

Superstitious

I find it ironic that good ol' Webster's has the following definition of 'Superstition' when, in most Christian circles (and perhaps other faiths), the word 'superstition' raises some red flags.



Superstition:

"(1) Any belief that is inconsistent with known facts or rational thought, esp. such a belief in omens, the supernatural, etc. (2) Any action or practice based on such belief."

Though Webster's folly here is a subject for a different post, I share the views of C.S. Lewis, Madeleine l'Engle, Donald Miller, John Eldredge and other Christian art-lovers who recognize the place of imagination and myth in deepening our knowledge of His mysteries; their power in revealing Truth at heart (not just head)-level. God help us when, for Christians, fact, logic and intelligence become enemies of story and imagination, and begin to mutually exclude one another. What drab and hidden lamps we then become...

That said, my intended post for today has nothing to do with faith-building myth, but rather, plain old superstition. (A distinction Webster's apparently can't make). As I sift through childhood, forming mental piles of what to pass on and what to leave within, I'm remembering some favorite superstitions I actually believed at some point during childhood.

NOTE: Don't blame these on my parents; they might have been responsible for some of them, but I can't remember where others came from! :-)

Vampires: Whenever a low-lying fog hangs across the road, a vampire has recently passed by.




Tomtens: Tomtens are a Scandinavian tradition. Helpful and protective, they are secretive peacemakers between farm inhabitants and the wiles of wild woodland creatures beyond. Brilliant in capturing snow-bound rabbit footprints and turning them into a source of unending childhood wonder.



Bears:Bears live beneath sidewalks. Didn't you know? If you step on a crack, you'd better watch your ankles!






Eating Before Prayer: Forget to pray over your sandwich? Better stick close to the bathroom because you won't be feeling well very shortly. Food rots in your stomach if you don't pray over it first.




Santa: And last, but by no means least, Santa, of course! At Grandma's, we kids would rush downstairs to the basement at the prompting of shooshing parents and aunts and uncles... Soon, we could hear the jingle bells, the reindeer hooves, and Santa's black, heavy boots in the kitchen hallway. It was never a problem that Grandma didn't have a fireplace; he knew her well enough to just come on in the front door. When he left? ALL the gifts were beneath the tree... SO fun!

Which ones will we keep? Well, I'd say anything overly fear-based is probably on the outs. That leaves at least two bearded guys... maybe a stray bear or so if I can't resist. :-) I have to say though... even with the fear-based beliefs, there was little long-term injury with years of childhood magic. What superstitions did you buy into as a young child? Are there any you didn't pass on, and why?

1/28/08

Nesting

Well, it's official... wondered if it would ever happen without pregnancy hormones and a rounded stomach. But it has. I'm nesting! And it's just too bad for everything else I'm responsible for because clean floors under the couch, bathroom cleaners out of reach, and a customized bedroom niche, perfectly suited for our daughter are now more important than work, food or even sleep! (Sleep?? Now THAT's important). We made more progress on the house this past weekend than in the past 3 months put together.

As we pour our hearts into preparing, it strikes me how natural and good it is to prepare for a child in our home, and has inspired thoughts about the root and true meaning of this:

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am..."

-Jn 14:2&3-

I've read this verse hundreds of times before, but have never 'gotten it' like I've started to this past week. I guess I've always focused more on the practicalities of His making a place for us... like He's doing it more out of duty:

A. He has to in order to keep His promise.
B. There has to be somewhere for us to go after life.
C. There will be lots of us, so it better be big, etc.

But, newer for me, are thoughts about how much love and care, thought, and JOY there must be in this nesting of nestings; the ultimate preparation. Maybe it's a little like our own human nesting, but on an even grander scale...because:

A. He loves us.
B. He's delighted just thinking about when we'll be together in that place.
C. His heart gets full designing unique surprises for each eternal home.
D. This is a priority for Him; important and satisfying work.
E. His 'prep work' is directly linked to His great desire to see our joy, and to enjoy us.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning of truths that will sink deeper as our perspective continues to shift these coming months. Sure it's probably stuff all you parents out there have already thought of and 'got' long ago... but I'm thankful, and hope to share more.

We get to see our first video of Eva tonight. Eva with sound and motion... what a gift!

1/27/08

Two Fer

It's two-fer-one blog post day for V... Hey, look who's joined 'the story'! Welcome sweet friend - SO excited to be in touch via blog! For those who don't know, this is the dear friend who will be Eva's special auntie and caregiver a couple times a week when I return to work after leave... She and her family have a big piece of our hearts, have for many, many years, and... always will. Welcome, Storygirl!

Turkey, Turkey!

Ever see one of these? My first encounter with a wild turkey was just like this picture. As a child, riding in the car on the way to church when dad slowed the car, and there was an inquisitive turkey face peering his head right into my window! I remember being surprised at how big it was and how curious it seemed...

Today, I saw more wild turkeys than I've ever seen at any one time. Went for a wonderful walk in a loop around a friend's 40 acre lot. The scenery, fields and forest awash in sunlight, was incredible - and made even more enjoyable by multiple sightings of groups of over 50 turkeys that would follow each other in a line (their movement is so interesting; like a graceful, quick and efficient waddle), then fly short distances over fences. So fun to watch.

Few better ways to start a day than crunching snow, sunshine, meaningful conversation and wild turkeys with dear girlfriends. Ahhh.... now for a nap... ;-)

1/26/08

Look Out, IKEA...

Here I come! The momentous day has finally arrived: I surrender my IKEA virginity in search of creative and unusual kids room furniture. Sorry, girls, this time's with my husband; appropriate, don't you think? ;-) Wish us good hunting!

What's your favorite IKEA find?

1/25/08

Ow, Ow, Owie!!

Got my first round of travel shots from dear friend and immunization nurse, 'groovy' yesterday... Ironic, isn't it? How, with shots, it's not really the needle that gets ya. A friend affectionately punched me in the shoulder last night; when I began to scream, "Ow, Ow, Owie!", she lovingly put her arm around me, resulting in a whole new wave of pain and shrieks. :-) Yes, you can laugh - it was amusing. And, I readily admit I'm being a whiner.

Enough of that though. Lots to do today and sore shoulders can't slow me down. At least I won't be getting any nasty lethal diseases once we hear it's time to travel...

1/24/08

Here Is My Handle; Here Is My...

A little-known (and somewhat unlikely) fact about 'V': I collect teapots. I like how they can differ vastly from one another while still all qualifying as 'teapots'. Here are two that haven't made it into my collection yet...

1/23/08

"Mama": She Gets It

One last surprise Eva update from our friends, who are headed home today. They are both sick - if you think of saying a prayer for them please do; this could be a tough next 36 hours for them...

"Hi Friends,

I wanted to let you know, I did get more video of Eva eating her breakfast with her friends from the nursery. I have to tell you, before I walked in the room to visit with her, I watched her around the corner. She is quite the spoon banger, and she was getting the other children to join her!!! She was very happy at breakfast, we got everything on video.

We also have a lot of video of her at [our son's] dedication! What an amazing experience that was!! She was wearing a yellow dress with red ribbon on it. She stood next to me during the dedication. At the very end, she kissed [our son] on the forehead, we have all of it on video. She later said to him, "mama" and pointed to me. It was very sweet. It is so nice to see how well loved the children are at the nursery. I know it is very hard to wait to bring her home, but know that as you prepare for her, she is well cared for.

We would like to have you over soon to share the video with you. We know you must be very excited to see it (we were in your shoes not too long ago). [...]

We leave for the airport in 1 1/2 hour and begin our long journey home. We have been praying the travel will go smoothly and all 3 of us will feel well during the next 36 hours!!

Blessings to you, J"

1/22/08

Pointing Fingers

The mortgage industry, collectively and in general, does not appear to be 'choosing a new what-if' for itself at this point in time. For those of us left in it, it's beginning to feel like a sinking ship; instinct calls for moving as quickly as possible to the part of the ship that promises to sink last. Out of that surrounding sense of panic comes the following New York Times quote.

"A wave of lawsuits is beginning to wash over the troubled mortgage market and the rest of the financial world. Homeowners are suing mortgage lenders. Mortgage lenders are suing Wall Street banks. Wall Street banks are suing loan specialists. And investors are suing everyone."

Nice, huh? One commentator in the article called the situation a 'multi-ring circus'. The whole thing reminds me of a sarcastic quote from a history teacher I had back in high school: "If we all push our way to the front of the line, we'll all get our lunch first."

Good thing I'm still sitting on that flotation device...

1/21/08

I Wonder...

... What is up with Canada Geese flocking back north to western Wisconsin in the middle of January? Are their alarm clocks off? Do they know something we don't? Is Al Gore right? Where do they shack up when it's 13 below zero?

Kudos to anyone who knows more about these guys than I do and can share... I'm curious!

1/20/08

Mental Jukebox

It's typical for me to have 4 to 5 songs bopping around in my head throughout any given day. Usually, I'm not consciously aware of them, but because I've been contemplating a blog post about it, I've started to keep loose tabs on my mental jukebox. I'd love to say that all of the songs in my head are stuff like, 'Jesus Loves Me', 'Holy is the Lord', 'How Great Thou Art' and 'When We All Get to Heaven' (which are, actually, top-list inventory). Sometimes there's even a worship chorus or two - especially weeks where I'm helping lead worship. But this past week or so? Weezer's, "If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk a-way... watch me unravel..." OVER AND OVER (and I only know a couple lines!). The culprit? One battle with a recently-purchased rust-colored sweater that's already starting to unravel.

There, now that I've said it, the song will mysteriously move from my mental jukebox to yours... Enjoy! :-) What's playing on your internal loudspeakers? Maybe we can swap...

1/19/08

Another Update

Another amazing (and only slightly edited) update - this will likely be the last as our friends will be moving on to the next leg of their trip today. Many, many warm, happy and anticipatory tears for me this morning. That's it for any last remaining shreds of emotional caution - my heart is yanked out and now held by this precious little girl... our daughter!



Ed and Vonda,

I hope my descriptions aren't going overboard, as a mother, I know you would like to hear every detail.

We went to morning chapel today, there were about 20 women as well as four little girls, one of which was Eva. She had on an orange velvet dress with some gold embroidery. She also had a barrette right in the center of her bangs. She watched us closely, I am sure she remembered we are the people who gave her the gifts from you. She was great during chapel. She sat on the floor next to a couple of older girls, maybe around 10 years of age. She rested her head on them. She was very quiet. After about 15 minutes, she began to move around a little bit, she would play peek a boo with us using the caregivers' dresses. Then she would occasionally wipe her nose on their dress! Just like any other 3 year old. She looked very beautiful in her dress. Chapel was beautiful. There was a lot of singing in their language. It sounded like one hundred Angels singing rather than a 20 women. The Chapel was very nice as well, with beautiful statues and stained glass. While the caregivers took communion, Eva walked right up front and stood by the Alter, watching the priest hand it out. Eva seemed very comfortable there. (Much better behaved than [our daughter] (also 3) is at Church). :)

After a while, Eva came over and sat by us in Chapel, she handed us the hymn books and looked in them like she was reading them and singing.

After Chapel, we went up to her classroom. There were about 8 children in there. They were all fascinated by our video and digital camera. We got a lot of photos and video. Eva seemed to really like Shawn. She sat on his lap and loved looking at the video buttons. All of the children kept saying [Eva's beautiful middle name] as we re-watched the footage of her. She laughed and smiled. She also held [our son] and kept giving him kisses. None of the caregivers in the room spoke English so we were unable to communicate with her with words.

We were told by one of the social workers yesterday that she always has her duck purse on. She doesn't want anyone else to hold it, and she always carries the picture of her parents inside of it, looking at it and showing it to others.

You will be so blessed when you meet her, she is a beautiful, energetic, and happy little girl. She seemed well cared for and very happy with her people around her.

We will continue to keep you updated. We will also have you over soon to show you the photos and the video we took of her. I hope [our son] and Eva can be good friends.

1/18/08

Update







"Ed and Vonda,

We had the pleasure of meeting Eva!! She walked downstairs with two of her caregivers. I could tell she was shy and anxious to meet someone new. She had on a long horizontal striped orange and yellow dress and a little duck purse over her shoulder. I was told she received it from you and she loves it!! She was very happy to hold her stuffed animals and she immediately hugged them. Then the caregivers handed her the picture of both of you. She studied it closely and then held it, looking at it further. The caretakers kept saying mama and papa. She was very intent as she looked at the picture. She seemed more interested in looking at your picture than at us!! She then said "thank you" with the prompting of the caregivers. She then walked back upstairs holding both the stuffed animals and her duck purse. At one point she tripped because she was holding so much! She was very beautiful. We look forward to watching her grow up with you..."

[Friends at Eva's nursery, now bringing home their son]...

1/17/08

The Trouble With Do-It-Yourself







"To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at it harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed."

-Frederick Buechner-

1/16/08

The Paradise of Grace

INVITATION
Speaking of gifts you can never pay back... In 2002, as Ed and I were healing from a tiring year of loss and illness, good friends asked us to 'rest up' with them for two weeks in the South Pacific. As this trip was 10 times beyond our budget (they desired to gift us), we thought briefly about letting our pride get in the way - but, thankfully, the fun factor won out. It strikes me that surrendering to Grace is a similar concept. Imagine it's you...

APPROACH
In a fluke collapse of all your good reasons and better judgment, you say 'yes' and find yourself floating above what has been made possible by someone else's sacrifice on your behalf. You can see it, but you're not there yet. It's a glimmering jewel in a priceless azure setting. As you descend toward it, tears well up when you realize you've done nothing to deserve this and can do nothing to pay it back. Yet, it is a reality. Try as you might, you simply cannot calculate the difference between what you've earned and what you're being given.

TRANSPORT
After all that's been done for you, surely it's only right that they would offer a canoe or a row boat for this final stretch. It's a short jaunt to your destination, and only fair you should have some part in working your way there. But 'fairness' is not the style of the giver. There's a padded speed boat with spectacular views from every angle. The driver honors you with wreaths of flowers. You are a VIP guest, your passage pre-paid by someone who's gone before you. And sweet air and sunshine brush against your face as you freely ride, propelled by an engine you do not own and cannot fuel.

WELCOME
On the dock, you are warmly greeted by beautiful smiles, warm washcloths for your face and sweet music for your spirit. Then, ushered up a manicured cobble-stone path into an exquisite, castle-looking enclosure where you are seated on comfortable couches and given a colorful, refreshing drink. Your luggage is carefully moved to the bungalow specially prepared for you while care is taken to learn your shoe size, food preferences and other unique details, to best accommodate your recreational and culinary needs. Someone is anticipating how you, specifically, might be offered gifts that lead to your maximum joy.

BELONGING
You are escorted to a luxurious bungalow where you find everything you've ever needed or wanted for rest and fun. A sliding glass door opens to a generous deck and you realize your dwelling is completely over the turquoise, 86 degree water. Through the glass floor beneath the coffee table, there are fish in every color waiting for you to come and play. There are no "NO JUMPING" signs - not that you can see, anyway. Instead of rushing by, the afternoon stretches out as you relax in the sun and discover colors in fish, shells and coral you never thought were possible. Large, friendly stingrays engulf you, and you feel no fear - only joy. You understand that this was created for you to enjoy. Your being able to revel in it was made possible by generosity you cannot afford. This fact makes you feel full - not obligated - because your benefactor takes delight in your fullness.

INHERITANCE
After a long afternoon of play, you explore your surroundings, looking out over the entire island from a specially-created niche at the top. Because there are so few inhabitants, it is as if this place belongs specially to you, in a way. And, in a way, it does - not because you earned it (how could you ever earn such a thing?) - but by the generosity of the giver. He has shared everything with you - what's his is yours, and he's held nothing back. You are there under his name and reservation, and he delights in freely giving you everything that's called 'his'... which IS everything, by the way.

Yes, there are limits to the metaphor (there always are). But it's pretty close, isn't it? What if the recipient were to hang her head in shame saying, "I'm just not good enough. I don't deserve this," cautiously tip-toeing past the bungalows, insisting on sleeping in a storage room for fear of angering the Giver? What would you say to her? Would you want to point that these concerns of hers were missing the point completely? How could you do this without adding to her shame?

Worse, what if she insulted the boat-driver, insisting on a canoe - and upon arriving, exhausted, demanded her heavy luggage, making multiple trips back and forth to the storage room. Tired from hauling her own baggage, crabby and joyless... because she feared the Giver instead of enjoying His gifts? Wouldn't you want to gently explain she's misunderstanding Him and he's dying to really have her KNOW him for who he is?

Worst... what if she never got on the plane in the first place? What if pride over-ruled the fun factor? I've been that slave. No more though... Where are you? Bungalow? Storage room? Watching others board the plane? Anyone wanna go on a trip?

1/15/08

Thanks To Dad

My dad isn't one of those dads you hear about who never gave out hugs or forgot to tell us kids he loves us. He feels things deeply and expresses affection. But he's not one to GUSH about stuff - know what I mean? He's a 'T' - and he says what he means, and means what he says. Beyond that, when it comes to communicating love, he does so most abundantly by serving - working with his hands.

That said, Ed and I have felt well-loved these past 2 years. Almost every Saturday, Dad (and, most Saturdays, mom too) has sacrificed his own personal time and energy - which could be spent on their own home, or his stamp collection - to work, with Ed's help, on turning our deck into a living room addition that will serve as an extra play-area for Eva. He desires nothing in return for this gift (we have to get sneaky with gratitude! ;-), but simply serves in kindness and humility... These gifts of time and amazing skill are ones we couldn't come close to repaying (even if he would let us). So... just needed another way to say 'Thanks, Dad!' - knowing my mom will read this to him. :-)

Also, times are tough right now for just about everyone trying to make a living anywhere in the home business... My dad is THE most skilled carpenter and project man Ed and I have ever known. I'm not just biased; 40 years of experience and an eye for uncompromising quality has earned him great respect amongst his peers for being an expert at what he does. If you find yourself with any finishing, remodeling, or handyman type projects bigger than what you can handle, as tax returns approach the horizon, I know you'd be blessed by giving him a call... (651) 248-3443. Jeff - at Borne Remodeling.

Love you, Dad!

1/14/08

F.K.A.

I had always admired Julies called by, 'Jules'; Rebeccas called 'Becky' or Christinas called 'Tina'. Alas, for me, a cute, girlie nickname was never to be...



It was my 17th birthday and, as I sat amongst my group of friends (who obviously had too much time on their hands) in the cafeteria of New Life Academy, I suddenly found myself at the center of a clown-fest. Complete with cake, balloons, singing, silly card-tricks... and 'Happy Birthday, VONDA SWINBORNE!!' written on the chalk board at the back of the room. I was honored and completely humiliated simultaneously - and will never forget the sweet generosity of my friends to celebrate me, even if it was TOTALLY embarrassing.

At some point in all the chaos, Steve Williams, the class Bono, strolled up to the chalk-board and erased the letters, 'V','N', then 'B','O' 'R', and an 'N'. He had no ill intent; Steve and I had been friends from grade-school and it was all affectionate. Nevertheless, my name was 'Oda Swine' (amongst friends and enemies) until the day I graduated.

Some people just have a knack for creating nicknames and making them stick. They deserve to be kicked. Hard. (JK)! ;-)

This isn't the only nick-name I've ever held; just the one with the best story. How about you? What are you 'formerly known as'? Who gave you your childhood nickname - and why?

P.S. Thanks to pw for the fun topic idea... :-)

1/13/08

Welcome, 'P'!

It's not every day you get to welcome someone who's already part of your community, into your community... twice in one year. We love you, kj, and are SO excited you've started a blog!!

1/12/08

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my sweet mom in 10 minutes! She's one of my very dearest friends - of whom others frequently ask, "is this your sister?" The count stopped and started back down at 55, Mom - congratulations on 53... And thanks for watching Die Hard 4 with me for your birthday party, and actually liking it; you're kind of like another Bruce to me. ;-)

P.S. Orange and green comforter set: check. If anyone sees a spunky green or orange bean-bag with soft little nubbies that's not too big or heavy, please let me know!

1/11/08

Flotation Device








(C-girl & Katielady: still processing awesome comments from yesterday - more discussion to come later today...)

V: "Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on a long dock and there's this huge 50-foot tidal wave crashing toward me."

V's Dear Friend: "Yeah, but you forgot to look down and remember that He's put you on a flotation device."

I love how my friend put this... she was right. Sometimes we're right about the tidal wave coming - (though it might only be a 20-footer). But, then we have the opportunity to also envision His preparation on our behalf. We're still, miraculously, safe - for He's given us all we need in the moment. More on this next week.

Psalm 91 (NIV)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "His is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

1/10/08

Fear Busters: A Question of Worth

It was a vivid moment. 1st grade art class and a number of us (yet unaware of the 'uncouthness' of boasting) were arguing vehemently over whose finger-painting was "the best". Then it happened. Pretty, popular Janelle moaned pitifully to everyone present, "Oooh, MY painting is just SO awful..." Immediately, the teacher, and a number of kids as well, chimed in to comfort her, "Of course, it's not awful, Janelle! Your painting is beautiful!". My first exposure to self-deprecation was simple, efficient, and intensely effective; the arrow sunk deep. The whisper to my heart was almost audible, "Do thisssss. Talk low of yourssself, but DO well. You mussst always DO well. You will get what what you truuuly want. I promisssse."

And so it was. And so it is - for many of us. We were kids; did any of us know to watch our step? What starts as a child's natural desire for approval and affirmation turns into habit. The negative messages ABOUT ourselves turn to negative messages TO ourselves. And our messages are not alone; the layers stack up as our voice is joined by hurtful voices of many, many others. And, eventually (it takes some of us longer than others), we can become converts to worthlessness (a preliminary to embracing "worm theology", or spiritualizing shame). The internal progression (though mostly silent to us) goes something like this:

1. I must obey.
2. I must perform.
3. I must always do well.
4. I must be perfect.
5. I can't be perfect.
6. I must hide.
7. I must deceive.
8. I am alone.
9. I am not good enough.
10. I am worthless.

How crafty, the serpent, to deceive a child into surrendering her joy and freedom for a 'must'. Then, use the 'must', to con from her her identity as well. The 'must', the 'should', becomes an 'I am'. The label began in the garden and has been passed down and down and down. We are, in a way, her children, after all. We bear the curse; we too are deceived - and we have chosen it.

Fast forward 12 years. A Christian college; for me, key years in forming my view of God: theology. Relative to the discussion of sovereignty, the professor explained the doctrine of 'Total Depravity', a TRUE TRUTH which, as we embrace it, leads us to the conclusion that we are incapable, in ourselves, to earn eternal salvation. John Calvin writes,

"In self-examination, the search which divine truth requires and the knowledge which it demands will destroy any confidence in our own ability, leave us without any reason to boast and so lead us to submission. This is the course we must follow if we want to reach the true goal."

Now what step (above) corresponds with this doctrine? Step 5. I can't be perfect. In the spiritual realm, I simply do not have what it takes in the way of goodness to get me where I very much want, and need to go.

But what step was I on? Step 10. I'm worthless. And, to my ears, 'Total Depravity' was a miracle to behold! Not only had I been right all along about my worthlessness, but God Himself confirmed it! All I had to DO now (hear the hisss again?) was just keep believing how GOOD He was (true) and, to the same degree I believed His goodness, confess and declare how bad, worthless, depraved, and wretched, I was. And it sounded very humble. And it sounded very wise. I still agree with much of what Calvin says... but looking back, I initially embraced it for all the wrong reasons. What I didn't understand was that the "true goal" Calvin wrote about would have looked more like this:

1. I must obey.
2. I must perform.
3. I must always do well.
4. I must be perfect.
5. I CAN'T be perfect - or even come close (total depravity).
6. BUT, God so loved the world (which HAS worth in His eyes).
7. That He gave His only Son (who WAS perfect).
8. So if I believe in Him, and trust His sacrifice,
9. All my sin and inability no longer earns death for me.
10. I am a new creation in Christ.
11. I have great worth as His beloved child.
12. I am completely FREE in Him.

THIS is the place of the doctrine of sin and depravity in the life of a child of the King. Behind us. Step 5. Do we still sin? Oh yeah. Do we still ask for forgiveness? Yes, definitely. Did sin, before it was destroyed by Him, make me unworthy of God's perfect standard? Oh yes. BUT - did it EVER make me, one created in His image, worthLESS? No. Does my sin have any claim at all to my worth or identity once I trusted Christ and He destroyed it? NO WAY.

So WHY, dear friends, are so many of us still on step 10 of the first list? Why am I still sometimes? SO many reasons. All of them complex. All of them personal. And insisting to ourselves that we get it right - NOW - puts us even further up or down the first list.

But, for those who've made it to this extreme depth down the blog page, with this post goes a prayer that all who read, who struggle with embracing Christ, or your incredible worth in Him - that He will tenderly lead you. May His seed of compassion for you grow up in your own heart. May you hear and believe that He LIKES you, and agree with him in the way you address yourself. You have great worth in His eyes. He LOVES you. And that love is the powerful 'bottom line' in casting out fear, worry and anxiety. Thanks for reading.

1/9/08

Priorities

Hm... Creative blog post or much-needed time with hubby... creative blog post or much-needed time with hubby...?

Much-needed time with hubby. Hands down. I have it SO good. Talk to y'all tomorrow!

1/8/08

Subprime

According to a Jan. 5 AP (Sophia Tareen) article in the Tucson Citizen, the American Dialect Society, a long-established group of linguists, grammarians, historians and scholars, has chosen the word 'Subprime' as their Word of the Year for 2007.

Now, we bankers have been using the term 'subprime' for ages, but thanks to 2007's economic downturn, particularly in the mortgage industry, most of the rest of the population has become familiar with the word. According to the article, some students have adopted its use in reference to their tests, "I'm going to subprime this; mess it up."

As a banker, AND a wannabe grammarian, I thought it only prudent that I suggest some possible 'subprime' uses of my very own:

1. There's some subprime milk living in the upper left quadrant of the fridge.
2. Dog towels are chewed. "That's it; I'm subpriming the pink wedding bathtowels."
3. Mr. Megatron Decepticon, better watch your back; Optimus Subprime to the rescue!
4. Q: "Do you watch Celebrity Apprentice?" A: "Nah - not really into subprime-time."
5. Sittin' next to Chewy: "...think I'll subprime these Altoids into my nostrils before it gets any worse."
6. "Did you get a flu shot? You're looking a little subprime today..."

Got any good ones? What's YOUR 'Word of the Year'?

P.S. Apparently, the American Dialect Society was founded in 1889 and began choosing 'Word of the Year' JUST FOR FUN! Not in an official capacity to induct words into the English language. Where can I sign up folks!? 'Dem's MY kinda people...

1/7/08

Emote This!!

If I were a type character, I would be an emoticon. I LOVE emoticons... oh not the pretty, colored graphic ones; those are cheating. I mean the good, old-fashioned stick-figure emoticons. I know - I'm a dork. Nevertheless, it explains why I was fascinated to discover a whole world of them out on the web the other day. My favorites were (remember, most emoticons are left to right, left being top, right being bottom - example, :-) = smiley face):

1. :-B = buck-toothed
2. ~:> = chicken
3. B-) = Batman
4. (::[]::) = bandaid, or emotional support
5. ~(_8(I) = Homer Simpson

This discovery was so much fun, I decided to attempt creating (and, in some cases, commandeering) emoticons of my very own. Check it out!

1. :>) = "Wow, that V chick has a substantial beak on her!"
2. XX--- = "Luke, you've switched off your targeting computer; are you okay?!?"
3. { :>O = Me, leading worship at FCC.
4. UU = Tushi stuck to couch.
5. :-& = I want spaghetti for dinner.
6. [~~ :-O ] = Husband, singing in the shower.
7. UU>= = Outgrowing my jeans.

This is fun - come join me! What's your favorite existing emoticon? OR take a stab at creating a new one... Maybe we can come up with a couple good inside blogland jokes along the way!

1/6/08

Emergency Brake











Okay - let's play the caption game; what does this picture 'say' to you?

1/5/08

Couch Potato

Dearest Husband,

Thank you for loving me even when I refuse to change out of my robe or remove myself from the couch to grab the remote, or do any of the 6 piles of laundry in the basement, or clean stuff or pick up the phone or do anything at all besides watch all the Die Hard movies. In a row. While eating my weight in M&Ms and York Peppermint Patties.

(In my defense, starting at 2:30 pm today, the rest of the weekend is all people and places and extravertedness; I'm claiming the 'fueling up' clause, big time).

What IS it about January though? Gravitational forces around the couch and bed are irresistible... Am I alone with the bottomed-out energy level syndrome this time of year? Did humans used to hibernate at one point, and it's left-over instinct? What solutions have you found (yes, I know - BESIDES having kids) for unsticking your tushi from the nearest reclining surface and eyes from the nearest action flick?

1/4/08

Journey of My Hair

Time for a shallow, somewhat vain post... Each time I grow my hair out (once every few years at least), there's one particular day where it's FINALLY official: ALL strands of hair go back in the binder. No stragglies. Today, my friends, is that momentous day. Happy Pony Tail Day!


In celebration, thought it would be fun to explore the journey of my hair this past decade or so. At age 24, I discovered the joy of having a professional hairstylist - and have been making up for lost time ever since. People tease that my hair changes every time they see me; you be the judge...